It’s Only My Opinion For The Soap Week Ending January 24

(From l.) Y&R’s Claire (Hayley Erin), B&B’s Poppy and Jack (Romy Park and Ted King) and GH’s Tracy and Martin (Jane Elliot and Michael E. Knight)

It’s hard to watch characters do dumb things, but it does move story forward and keep things entertaining.

Take Y&R’s Claire running into Jordan, who is supposed to be in prison. Instead of calling 911 or spear-tackling her psycho aunt, Claire told Jordan she misses her and loves her. Oh, and one other thing.

Claire: “She thinks I want to team up again.”

Victoria: “How did you convince her?”

Claire: “I told her I was ready to kill you.”

Kill her own mother? This plot has more holes than a Genoa City police investigation, but you can’t say that Claire inviting Jordan to hide out on the Newman Ranch while Victor orders his crack security team to protect his perceived fortress isn’t watchable. The coven of Nikki, Victoria and Claire secretly plotting Jordan’s murder is also giving big J.T. Hellstrom vibes from when Nikki cracked him with a fireplace poker to protect Victoria and the two conspired with Sharon and Phyllis to cover up what they thought was J.T.’s murder.

As dumb as it is for Claire to think she can outfox and murder nutbag Jordan (and get away with it!), it’s dumber that Nikki and Victoria didn’t share their plan with Victor and Nick. There was faux cop Nick Newman ransacking Ian Ward’s hotel room with his trusty sidekick, Chance, who found a glass with lipstick on it.

Chance: “I think his accomplice might be a woman!”

Nothing gets by him. If Victoria had told her brother what was going on, Nick would have known Jordan escaped prison and they’d be closer to finding Sharon. But hey, their secretive foolishness is propelling the plot.

B&B’s Jack knows all about secrets. He fathered Finn with Sheila during his marriage to Li, convinced Li to adopt Finn without telling her he was the baby’s bio dad, and is now suspected of fathering Li’s niece.

Li (to Poppy): “You betrayed me with my own husband. Admit it! Look me in the eye and tell me the truth. Jack is Luna’s father.”

Poppy kept mum, so Li summoned Jack so she could grill the suspected cheaters together.

Jack: “You’re losing it. You’re sounding insane. There’s no way I could have conceived a child with Poppy.”

Li: “Sit down!”

Li wasn’t playing; she jabbed a needle in Jack’s arm to take blood for a DNA test. Does it make sense that Li waited 20 years to verify her suspicions about her sister and her ex-husband? No. We watched Li conduct a paternity test for Luna and Bill Spencer last summer and she readily accepted that Bill was Luna’s daddy. (Luna doctored the test.) But if this story is going where I think it’s going, Jack’s DNA will lead to finding out that he’s actually Luna’s grandfather — and it will be the messiest, most delicious tale we’ve seen on B&B since Brooke did the nasty with her son-in-law, Deacon, and conceived Hope. Stay tuned, as we say in the biz….

“Stay tuned” is the motto for DAYS’s soap-within-a-soap Body and Soul, but it’s hard to make sense of what these people/characters are doing. How did Bonnie Kiriakis step into a prop elevator shaft on the set and wind up in the hospital?

Kate: “Unfortunately, the padding had been removed after Chanel’s stunt and there was nothing to break Bonnie’s fall.”

Joy: “I was on set. This must have happened right after.”

Kate: “Thankfully, you knew enough not to go onto a hot set. I know Bonnie is not a professional, but what was she thinking?”

Um, Kate? Not one of the actors on your fakakta soap opera is a professional. You hired local Salem residents Bonnie, Joy, Chanel, Alex, and Hattie — and, more recently, cop-turned-executive producer Abe asked Dr. Kayla Brady to be a temporary recast.

Abe: “Didn’t you ever dream of being a TV star?”

Kayla: “I found a new dream. Healing people. I can’t go off and be a soap star.”

I’m a huge soap fan (duh) and I cannot understand where they are going with this. Every single person writing, acting and producing this DAYS story is a solid expert on soap operas, yet the details ring false. Your star got injured so you turned to a local doctor to replace her?

Kayla: “It’s completely silly. Abe twisted my arm to fill in for Bonnie.”

I’m rooting for Kerry (aka the new Lady Whistleblower) to bring down the entire operation so we can get back to our beloved Salem shenanigans. More Philip/Xander!

When it comes to characters doing bone-headed things, nothing beats GH’s Tracy defying a court order to return her great-nephew Michael’s kids to their mother, Willow. Drew had Tracy arrested (overstepping as usual) and the scenes at the police station were better than every ABC sitcom.

Anna: “Where are Wiley and Amelia?”

Tracy: “Do I look like a nanny?”

Anna: “Only in a Grimms’ fairy tale.”

Tracy made paper airplanes out of the court order and flew them at Willow’s lawyer Martin… she demanded to know why Martin was helping Drew who has “all the integrity of a coat rack”… and she said the mayor will side with her because Laura understands family.

Martin: “You don’t get to lecture me on family, especially when your family burns sage every time you leave the room.”

Is it logical that police commissioner Anna Devane would call the local mob enforcer to come deal with his aunt while she was under arrest? Of course not.

Jason: “Are you really willing to go to jail?”

Tracy: “I’m not going to jail. I have too much money.”

Tracy’s gonna Tracy. Her antics even sparked wit out of PC’s less humorous characters.

Drew (to Anna): “Tracy deserves to be in a drunk tank with the smelliest person you can find.”

Brennan (sarcastic): “I see you’re dealing with important police business. Heavy is the head that wears the crown.”

Sasha keeping mum that Michael is her baby’s father to stay out of the Qs’ orbit but then babysitting Willow’s kids during the custody brouhaha was a head-scratcher, but it did open the door to some solid advice from her new aunt.

Felicia: “The Quartermaines thrive on toxic shenanigans.”

Aka dumb things that are entertaining!

Hey. It’s only my opinion.