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Classic Lines: Forget ABBOTT ELEMENTARY! Some Of TV’s Funniest Lines Are On Soaps.



B&B’s Deacon (Sean Kanan) felt an animal attraction with Sheila (Kimberlin Brown).


(Sheila tries to express her gratitude toward Deacon.)

Sheila: “I have no words.”

Deacon: “You actually have nothing to say? Wait, hang on a second.”

(Deacon looks to the sky.)

Sheila: “What are you doing?”

Deacon: “I’m just looking for flying pigs.”


(Sheila has a message for Deacon when he’s down on one knee.)

Sheila: “Would you get up?”

Deacon: “Really?”

Sheila: “Yes.”

Deacon: “Oh, God. Thank you. My knees are not what they used to be.”



(Gabi is hurrying to leave for work.)

Vivian: “There, there, Gabriela. No need to worry your pretty little head about business. Now that Mother’s here, you can just lie in bed and eat bonbons, just like The Real Housewives of Salem.”


(Paulina wants to know how Melinda  plans to obtain a confession from Li Shin.)

Melinda: “Surely you’ve used your feminine wiles on occasion to get what you want.”

Paulina (uneasy)“Let’s just stay on topic, okay, Ms. Trask?”


(Now knowing that the stuffed bear Li gave her is bugged, Melinda speaks directly to the toy.)

Melinda: “I finally figured out why Gabi Hernandez dumped you. It’s because as a lover you suck! And I don’t mean that in a good way.”


(Leo tries apologizing to Gwen for sleeping with Dimitri.)

Leo: “I haven’t felt this much shame since that drunken Santa caught me stealing ornaments off that big, fake tree in the mall… [Gwen huffs in disgust.] What? I was 19. I was working as an elf for $9 an hour.”

Gwen: “Read the room! My God, this is not the time for one of your stupid bloody anecdotes.”


Gwen: “So all it took was one night of sex with some European weasel to stab your best friend in the back?”

Leo: “You don’t think I felt awful for betraying you? It ate me up inside. I would wake up every night in cold sweats, having to watch old reruns of LARRY KING LIVE to fall back asleep.”



(Tucker claims to a skeptical Audra that he’ll take over Jabot.)

Audra: “How so, evil genius?”

Tucker: “Yeah, you mock. I’m serious as a rattlesnake.”

Audra: “It was a compliment.”