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Carolyn Hinsey Shares Her Opinions

How can shows get us to care about new pairings? Check out what Digest columnist Carolyn Hinsey has to say about what’s happening across the daytime dial.

How do you build a new couple? Very carefully.

It helps to have obstacles, of course, like Y&R inserting Noah’s ex-girlfriend Audra to try and give Noah and Allie some heat.

Audra: “I hoped we could be civil.”

Noah: “Not after what you pulled with Allie.”

What she “pulled” was being bitchy to Noah’s new squeeze, which we might have cared about if we were invested in that budding duo. Y&R already missed the boat by not playing the inherent drama of Allie Abbott dating Noah Newman and the Romeo and Juliet effect that should have had on their opposing families. Does Victor even know his grandson is dating Jack’s granddaughter? That’s the money story.

This is not:

Audra (to Noah): “We have unresolved feelings to deal with.”

I’m sorry — who are you? 

Ashley and nuTucker show more promise, as long as she keeps gaslighting him. Tucker cheated on her when they were married and sabotaged Jabot, so that’s his karma.

Tucker: “We had such a beautiful connection, and we could again.”

Ashley: “You couldn’t even be on time for dinner.”

It’s fun to watch her decapitate him with her one-liners, and any story that features Ashley, Phyllis and Nikki is a winner.

Nikki: “How did you leave things with Tucker?”

Ashley: “He still thinks he has a chance with me.”

Nikki: “Great. If there’s one thing I know about men, they love the chase.”

It sure worked for her and Victor, huh?

You can’t force someone to love you, but DAYS’s Kristen is giving it the old college try.

Chloe: “There’s no way in hell Brady would ever let you move in here.” 

Kristen: “I could hardly believe it myself.”

Chloe (to Brady): “Throw her out.”

He can’t because Kristen is blackmailing him with Marlena’s antidote. This is a good example of how to revisit a past couple, but please note I’m talking about Brady/Chloe, not Brady and psycho Kristen, although I know some fans want that. (I don’t see how anyone can root for Brady to be with a woman who kidnapped and/or drugged his entire family.) On the bright side, their new living arrangement is giving us excellent Marlena side-eye.

Marlena: “You’re going to be living here? With us?”

John: “Son, you have some serious explaining to do.”

Meanwhile, they insta-coupled Johnny with Chanel, then Ava, now Wendy. If he’s just a random womanizer, why should we care?

Quickie romances don’t work because there’s no rooting value. B&B’s Carter was all lovey-dovey in bed with Quinn and the next time we saw him, he was saying Quinn had left him — and was kissing Katie.

Carter (to Katie): “You really mean a lot to me.”

Since when?! Carter needs to mourn Quinn and revisit his broken engagements to Maya, Zoe and Paris before they throw him and Katie against the wall to see if they stick. (Playing plinky music during Katie and Carter’s office scenes doesn’t make them a couple.) As for Katie, she’s taken romantic leftovers her entire life. She got pregnant by Brooke’s ex-husband Nick, got engaged to Brooke’s ex-husband Ridge, got engaged to Hope’s ex-husband Wyatt, wed Brooke’s ex-husband Thorne and married Brooke’s ex-husband Bill — twice. Can you spell t-h-e-r-a-p-y?

For a guy desperate to be a duo, you’ll never beat Deacon. He heard Brooke was single again and rushed over with an engagement ring in one episode.

Brooke: “I have a husband.”

Marriage is not a plot point! B&B has a solid pair in Hope/Liam, who should be much more than talk-to’s for their messed-up parents (although I am not opposed to a Brooke/Bill reunion). Hope was the perfect voice of reason after Ridge inexplicably deemed Taylor, “my love, my life, my home.”

Steffy: “My mother is not a homewrecker.”

Hope: “I was at Eric’s. I saw how Taylor took every opportunity to get her hands all over Ridge while he was still a married man.”

Note to Team Taylor: She forever lost the high road after sleeping with Ridge before he even told Brooke he was leaving her. Hope called it!

GH tried to just add water (literally) to jumpstart Carly and Ryan Lavery, er, Drew Cain with a location shoot on the ocean but it was all wet because the duo has moved too fast.

Drew: “Watching you face your past has made me take a look at my own life.”

Carly: “What did you see?”

A bunch of sappy dialogue about “new beginnings”.

Carly: “I found something in Jacksonville I don’t want to leave.”

Drew: “What?”

Carly: “You.”

He lives in Port Charles. One year ago,  Carly was a complicated toughie running the “late” Sonny’s mob business and marrying Jason, a smoldering hit man. Now she’s all giggly with a handsome dude on the beach who bears no resemblance to the old Drew. Even stranger, she went all Norma Rae at a town meeting in Florida about her “beloved” adoptive mother she hadn’t mentioned in decades. These two are lovely and could even work as a couple but they are not the Carly and Drew we knew.

The best way to rev up a new duo is to set them up properly, like GH did with Anna and Valentin, while also crossing her with her ex Robert.

Anna: “This whole salty curmudgeon-y persona you’ve got going might work in the DA’s office but it’s not doing you any favors. I’m referring to your love life.”

Robert: “What about it?”

Anna: “You don’t have one.”

Robert: “I’ll think about dating again as soon as we take out Victor.”

Oh, hey, Holly. Or is it Diane? You know what’s even better than building a great new couple? Building a triangle!

Hey. It’s only my opinion.