Carolyn Hinsey Shares Her Opinions

Why is it important to have characters who ground stories? Check out what Digest columnist Carolyn Hinsey has to say about what’s happening across the daytime dial.

Every soap needs a voice of reason because sometimes the stories get a little … outlandish.

On DAYS, it’s Marlena. But what happens when Marlena is sick and can’t heal the town? Enter Julie.

Jennifer: “I’m fine.”

Julie: “No, sweetheart, you’re not. Jack wasn’t around the last time you started using painkillers. I was.”

Jennifer: “That’s not what’s happening.”

Said the girl who just ran Gwen down with her car.

Julie: “Jennifer Rose, you’re not fooling anybody.”

Jennifer broke down and confessed she had been popping pills because who can lie to Julie? There’s no more logical or sympathetic ear.

Julie: “Your life is important. Especially to those precious grandchildren. With their mother gone, you are the most important woman in their lives.”

And off to rehab Jennifer went!

Meanwhile, Chad is going around sniffing people and solving crimes. He figured out Abigail’s murderer smelled like vanilla, which the Salem PD could not because #soaps.

Chad: “Maybe Craig started wearing cologne after you split up.”

Nancy: “Vanilla? That’s what my fiancé wears.”

Chad: “Clyde Weston? Oh, my God.”

Chad put the pieces together while Rafe and Jada were still blaming Leo.

Chad: “I’m going to go to the police and tell them where they can find Clyde.”

If Chad has such a nose for news, he should become a cop. It’s a little preposterous that the local DiMera exec is wrapping up cases.    

Y&R’s Chloe has become the helpful watchdog we all need when we’re about to step in it. She knows her boss can’t resist Adam so she tries to run interference.

Chloe (spying Adam): “Why don’t we head back to the office?”

Adam: “Hi, ladies. Plotting world domination this morning?”

Sally: “Every morning.”

Adam: “I would never bet against you.”

Chloe: “What’s going on here? This polite banter is freaking me out.”

They claimed they’re maturing, which Chloe regarded with skepticism. A true voice of reason knows when people are b.s.-ing and calls them on it. 

Chloe (to Adam): “Why do you feel compelled to destroy every single person you are in a relationship with?”

Make her CEO! Fewer mind games, more work.

Elena also gets high marks, calling Nate on the way he’s backstabbing his family by selling their secrets to Newman. Boo-hoo, his cousin Devon wouldn’t let him have his way after he worked six whole months at Chancellor-Winters.

Elena: “You could leave the company or actually learn the ropes. Instead, you are hurting the people who are supposed to mean the most to you.”

Nate: “There’s no reason for me to play small ball when I have the ability to execute.”

Elena: “What have you successfully executed?”

Nate: “Nothing, because Devon refuses to let me do anything.”

Elena: “It’s his business!” 

He’s such a baby. If Nate ever goes back to medicine, it better be pediatrics. 

B&B’s Thomas and Steffy are huge babies, too, dwelling incessantly on their parents’ relationship despite the fact that Ridge and Taylor split 16 years ago. And how on earth did Brooke let Thomas get away with this exchange without clocking him?

Brooke: “I was planning a very special evening.”

Thomas: “Did it have something to do with a red teddy and some giggling? He’s seen that so many times it’s probably boring.”

Thomas went on to say Brooke is always “lurking” around “his” family and called her an “oversexed gold digger.” How dare he? Taylor is not a smart psychiatrist as evidenced by the fact that 1) she has no clients 2) her kids are manipulative jerks who need professional help and 3) she’s been carrying a torch for another woman’s husband for 16 years.

Taylor: “I love Ridge and I always will. From his grumpiest moods to his happiest moments. He understands me better than anyone. I’m sure you feel the same.”

Brooke: “Of course. He’s my husband.”

Even when Taylor fell for another man (Nick), he was a Brooke reject.

This show needs a serious voice of reason, starting with Ridge, who should have told his kids to butt out yesterday. Unless he doesn’t want them to, in which case he should call time of death on his marriage to Brooke and go back to ho-ho-ho-ing with his obsessed grown children and pathetic ex, who all seem to think it’s 2006.   

No one was more shocked than I was to find GH’s Sonny offering common sense advice to the bereft Sasha at Brando’s garage after she lost Brando and their baby.

Sonny: “I still scan crowds for Morgan. I just want to see him one last time.”

Finally, a parent still mourning a lost child! The pain never goes away and they never forget, but on soaps, the kid’s photo doesn’t even stay on the mantel. (Grandparents, yes. Kids, no.) GH made us watch a whole year of Oscar dying and building his treehouse and scattering his ashes on Mount Kilimanjaro, etc., yet Drew hasn’t visited “Oscar’s Meadow” or mentioned him in months. Perhaps Sonny could also pull a sentence or two out of Drew about his dead son.

Even more surprising than Sonny is Lucy offering proper counsel.

Lucy (to Brook Lynn): “You’re spending our work time promoting Chase’s career. Get your head in the game.”

She’s also holding the company together, trying to help Sasha, and assisting Anna in a series of schemes to bust Victor that have hilarious Lucy-and-Ethel vibes. It’s outlandish that Victor got away with kidnapping Charlotte but at least Valentin had the brains to team up with GH’s No. 1 voice of reason, Anna Devane, when Victor took Lucy.

Anna: “I think we’ll find your father in the main room.”

Valentin: “Unless we find them together in a stateroom.”

Anna: “Ew.”

See?

Hey. It’s only her opinion.