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Carolyn Hinsey Shares Her Opinions

Do we really want soap characters to change? Check out what Digest columnist Carolyn Hinsey has to say about what’s happening across the daytime dial.

Can people change? In real life, yes. On soaps, no — and we shouldn’t want them to.

What’s better than watching Y&R’s Phyllis backslide into “Old Phyllis” after being taunted by her prodigal nemesis, Diane?

Jack: “The main reason we got together is you wanted to stick it to your old enemy?”

Phyllis: “Diane is trying to manipulate us!”

Mission accomplished. Phyllis bragging to Diane that she was back in Jack’s bed did not go over well with Jack, despite it being the first action he’s had since Bora Bora with Kerry (who?), like, four years ago.

Jack: “It isn’t just that you went back to your old ways, it was the ease with which you transformed to old Phyllis.”

Phyllis: “I can change.”

Jack: “You can’t, and I can’t do this. Good-bye.”

Dude, it’s not like she put an octopus in your bed….Jack smelled the crazy rising up in Phyllis and put an instant stop to their burgeoning romance which 1) makes him smart and 2) plays well into their rich history. Watching characters try to evolve is fun, but the people around them need to remain skeptical.

Unlike Phyllis’s daughter Summer, who is sipping tea with Diane like they’re giggly girlfriends. 

Diane (re: Jabot buying Marchetti): “This is a big move for you. I’m here.”

Summer: “Thank you.”

Diane: “That’s what family does.”

Family? Diane faked her death and left little Kyle motherless! Haha-ing over drinks with Kyle and Summer now reads as false as Deacon having fished Diane and what was left of her cranium out of that swamp a decade ago. Make it make sense, and we’ll buy it.

It makes sense that DAYS’s Shawn would move the pregnant Jan into his house because he’s a good guy (even though Jan had sex with him under gross pretenses by morphing into Belle). It does not make sense that he’s allowing her to flirt with him.

Shawn (feeding her greens): “I need you to focus on the baby, and that means eating healthy.”

Jan (batting her eyelashes): “Does that mean I’m not getting a cheeseburger?”

Marlena (entering): “I hope I’m not interrupting.”

I hope you are. Jan is a proven psycho, and Shawn doting on her like THE BRADY BUNCH’s Alice makes him a dope. Jan needling Marlena about losing clients was nasty, yet Marlena fell for it, which makes her a dope, too.

Jan: “Doesn’t my innocent baby deserve to have a mom that’s mentally healthy?”

Marlena: “Yes. I’ll see you in treatment.”

Jan is not changing! And Belle knows it, so cue the Battle Royale when Marlena broke the news to her daughter that she was counseling the lunatic that broke up Belle’s marriage.

Belle (to EJ): “I just had a really big fight with my parents. Can I stay here tonight?”

What is she, 12? Belle has a grown daughter (Claire) and two marriages behind her (Shawn and Philip) but sure, run off to EJ’s “guest room”. You know who won’t buy that excuse now that she’s back? Sami — an A-lister who never changes.

Add GH’s Carly to that list, of course. No matter how many husbands she cycles through (A.J., Alcazar, Jax, Sonny, Sonny, Sonny) she always thinks she’s right and knows better.

Carly (to Drew re: Aurora): “I considered your advice, I’m just not going to take it.”

What would happen to GH if Carly did the right thing? She’d have to get off her high horse about Nina/Sonny after admitting she fell for Jason, and Willow would reunite with her mom, Nina. Where’s the drama in that?

You could make an argument that Michael has changed, but I see it more as growing into his true heritage. He’s the bio son of A.J. and Carly, two of PC’s most legendary screwups.

Brando: “Any idea who’s taking a swing at you?”

Sonny: “My own son.” 

All that’s left is changing his last name to Quartermaine so Michael can totally ice Ned out of ELQ.

Ned: “Long before you found yourself in the executive suite, I was changing your diapers.”

Go get him, Eddie!

Obrecht seems softer since dating Scotty but she’ll still cut you if you hurt Britt, Nina or Maxie.

Obrecht (to Britt): “A gruff, sturdy, ethically flexible man who worships me is a nice change of pace.”

How is Scotty a “change of pace” from Victor Cassadine, who supposedly carried a torch for Obrecht for years? You don’t get more “ethically flexible” than kidnapping half the town (Jason, Dante, Lulu …) and holding them captive at famed back-from-the-dead clinic Creighton-Clark. Keep baddies bad!

B&B’s Quinn tried to change and look where it got her: She reeled herself in from that torrid affair with Carter to dote on Eric, but he was already in Donna’s bed, a.k.a. “playing pickleball”.

Quinn: “I’m so happy you’ve committed to working out. You seem more relaxed when you come home.”

Where is Quinn’s edge? Eric is “exercising” every day with a new spring in his step and she knows Donna has been sniffing after him since their divorce, so how was Quinn all, “Yay! Eric’s heart rate is up!” without suspecting anything? Come on. This girl kissed Ridge, kidnapped Liam and pushed Deacon off a cliff. There’s no way she’s falling for Eric’s line of picklebull

Quinn: “I’m so grateful to be married to such a kind, loyal man!”

Unless she’s gaslighting him?!

B&B is having a field day with double entendres re: balls, honey, playing, etc. But the rejuvenated Brooke/Ridge/Taylor triangle has clearly brought out the Mad magazine in them.

Taylor (to Ridge): “We both love that you have a huge … heart.”

Ha, ha. Never change, writers!

Hey. It’s only my opinion.