PASSIONS New Year’s Resolutions

As the residents of Harmony count down to 2008, many of them have made some New Year’s resolutions. Here are some of their “private” declarations:

Esme — “I resolve to not sleep with any more men who wind up dead!”

Viki — Can’t hear what she says. She whispered to Esme that she hopes to be able to speak for herself in the new year.

Ivy — “I vow to keep watching Martha Stewart until I learn how to cook well enough to surprise Sam with a homemade tomato soup cake (using Grace’s recipe, of course!).”

Rebecca — “I resolve to get my ‘Pookie’ (Julian) back. Absence of a limitless expense account truly does make the heart grow fonder!”

Luis — “I resolve to find Marty and move to Alaska, or any place where I don’t have to be caught in the middle of feuding sisters and aunts.”

Paloma — “I resolve to remember my ‘parents,’ Katherine and Martin, who I loved so much but stopped thinking about for some reason the minute they left town.”

Theresa — “In 2008 I want to lead a lie and secret-free life. If only I could tell Ethan about my resolution…”

Gwen — “I’d like to go an entire year without saying or hearing three words: Theresa, Lopez, Fitzgerald.”

Sam — “I resolve to arrest somebody who’s actually the guilty party for a change.”

Vincent — “In 2008 I resolve to get in touch with my latent feminine side.”

Spike — “I vow to give up Lent in 2008 so I don’t have to give up any of my vices.”

Ethan — “I resolve to get a clue and stop being the last person to know anything in Harmony.”

Julian — “I resolve to install a padlock on my liquor cabinet so Eve won’t be tempted to fall off the wagon.”

Tabitha — “Hells Bells! New Year’s resolutions are for mortals. When you’re a 300+ year old witch like me you mark time in decades, not years — which is a real plus when your resolution is to lose weight. It’s much easier to drop 10 pounds over 10 years!”

Kay — “In 2008 I resolve to read Witchcraft for Dummies from cover to cover, so I’ll stop botching my spells and sending people back in time when I’m just trying to conjure up a tuna sandwich for lunch.”

Alistair — “I resolve to pay Dr. Phil $100 million for a one-on-one therapy session, so I can figure out why I’m such an evil bastard — and televise it on Pay Per View. All the viewers in Harmony alone would be enough to turn a tidy profit.”

Eve — “I resolve to limit my practice to just ONE medical specialty.”

Pretty — “I resolve to track down the man who made those convincing Luis impostor masks for Grandfather. When I find him I’m going to have him make a Pretty ‘impostor’ mask for me — minus my scar — so I can wear it and live up to my first name again.”

Sheridan — “In 2008 I vow to find out what happened to the REAL Sheridan, and why she’s been replaced by this bitchy, evil, hateful shrew of a ‘clone.'”

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