Opinion: Soap Stories Coming Out of Left Field Aren’t as Effective as Ones That Build
Jacinda’s exit on General Hospital was too sudden, as was Steffy dumping Finn on The Bold and the Beautiful and Danny’s new job on The Young and the Restless. But Beyond the Gates‘s Hayley vs. Dani is developing nicely and John Oliver got the pod treatment on Days of Our Lives.
Risky Business
GH is giving us whiplash lately, starting with Josslyn. The show spent over a year trying to convince us the perky volleyball player had morphed into a high-level WSB agent. Then she met up with the guy who beat up faux Ethan and he relayed that her father had named her CEO of JJE (Jasper Jacks Enterprises). Joss has no business training or college degree and we haven’t seen Jax in five years, but sure — hand her a billion-dollar company.
Joss: “He left full control of JJE to me without asking me.”
Carly: “That’s something he would do.”
Perhaps, but wouldn’t it make more sense to give Joss a logical romance instead of another illogical job? Valentin had thoughts.
Valentin (to Joss): “Can I jump in here? There are people out there willing to win your trust and sell your father’s business for parts. I know, because I’m one of them.”
Jax’s enemy Sonny could also zero in on JJE now that he’s quit the mob. He is also looking at Sidwell’s companies, announcing to Ric that he wants to move in a more “legitimate” direction.
Sonny: “Don’t worry, your billable hours won’t be cut.”
And here comes Drew, fresh out of “locked-in syndrome” (aka Willow drugging him), circling Sidwell’s properties. Valentin vs. Sonny vs. Drew would be an excellent cage match, especially since the universally hated Drew vowed he won’t stop until Sonny is a “broken man.” Even the mob haters are with Sonny on that one.
The biggest record scratch, though, was Jacinda’s abrupt exit. She was a former sex worker with a history of making bad choices, so that tracks. But getting “molly” from Ezra and using it to drug Willow does not. Jacinda was supposedly mad that Willow got a restraining order against her, but the impulsiveness of those two episodes undid 18 months of a really sweet romance between the girl from the wrong side of the tracks and the troubled heir to the Q fortune.
Michael: “I think it would be better if you left town.”
Jacinda: “People like me don’t get happy-ever-afters with people like you.”
Since when? Unusual romances are the bread-and-butter of soaps, and this one was gold. We can only hope Jacinda returns in dramatic fashion, pregnant with Michael’s baby or married to Tracy’s son Dillon or… ?
Her exit line was one for the books:
Jacinda (sobbing): “The life I wanted is the one I’m leaving.”
Team Jacinda!
No Grace In Monaco
An equally loud record scratch occurred on B&B, where two marriages that were happy one day imploded the next for reasons that made no sense.
Daphne and Carter got married in February and were trying to get pregnant. Then Daphne was told she can’t have kids and she dumped Carter right there in the office, announcing she was going back to Paris.
Daphne: “I never should have come to LA and fallen in love. It was a terrible mistake.”
Six months of trying and she’s done? “For better or worse” must mean something different in French. Mon Dieu.
Over in The Land Of Murderers Walking Free, Sheila booked a seat on the plane next to Finn and harassed him all the way to Monaco. He ordered her to take the next flight back to LA and went on to meet Steffy for a romantic reunion at “their” church, neglecting to mention his bio mother had been his travel companion. The duo took a beach walk and…
Steffy: “Sheila? You’re stalking us!”
Finn (to Sheila): “I told you to turn around and go home.”
Steffy: “You knew she was here and didn’t tell me?”
Finn made the incomprehensible choice to defend Sheila, saying she deserves a chance because Steffy’s mother Taylor is now with Sheila’s husband Deacon (?). Steffy had a meltdown, listing how Sheila shot her, shot Finn, shot Taylor, and said she’s petrified to be around her.
Steffy (throwing her wedding rings at Finn): “I can’t do this anymore. We’re done!”
Cut to Steffy on a plane back to LA drinking her body weight in alcohol. The 14-hour flight went by in two scenes and Steffy turned up at Forrester, where she found the freshly dumped Carter getting drunk, too. He put his hand on her shoulder and…
Steffy: “I’m tired of being the strongest person in the relationship.”
That’s a fair point since wishy-washy Finn has not protected his family from his murderous mother. But blowing up two marriages this fast with no buildup makes it look like these characters didn’t love each other. Once again: Marriage is not a plot point.
Heart Condition
Conversely, BTG has been building to a Dani/Hayley showdown for months and Bill’s heart attack (thanks to Hayley poisoning him) provided it. Hayley came off the elevator screaming like Shirley MacLaine in Terms of Endearment that she had to see Bill right now.
Hayley: “Where is my husband? I demand to know his condition! I want to see him immediately! I only want the best doctors! Take me to him.”
Dani: “Collect yourself. Your behavior is unacceptable.”
Hayley: “Who the hell do you think you’re talking to? Step off.”
Dani: “How about I step to you and show you exactly who I am?”
Cooler Duprees prevailed and the room fell silent after Dani declared, “I will always be here for my husband!” Um… whose husband? Anita and Vernon called a family meeting about the hold Bill still has on her (as evidenced by Bill asking to see Dani instead of Hayley when he woke up) but Dani deflected as usual.
Pitting the Dupree women against Hayley provided welcome advancement for this story, and Bill’s medical scares are opening his eyes to his true feelings for his ex-wife. But BTG can’t play him for a fool much longer without losing the respect he commands at Fairmont Crest.
Hayley (to Randy): “I could be a widow by morning.”
Not with Dani on the case.
Deep Water
I never thought I’d write something positive about a story based on hazardous waste, so give DAYS credit for inserting John Oliver into that otherwise ho-hum tale about tainted water near the Horton cabin. Oliver played Devlin St. John, a fast-talking, bespectacled, toupee-wearing water inspector who turned out to be almost as crooked as EJ DiMera. He offered to keep mum for some quality hush money and it did not go well.
Devlin: “I know what I saw with my own four eyes. My only goal here is to solve this city’s infrastructure crisis and maybe afford wine that doesn’t come in a box.”
He wound up with a syringe in his neck that erased his memory and was last seen in a pod in the basement clutching his briefcase.
Rita (to Devlin’s prone body): “You remind me of that man who calls himself a comedian but mostly just shouts the news. Good night, sweet prince.”
Can we all agree that stories about contaminated water work best in small doses? No need to build to anything: Get in, give us a prime-time star and some quality scenes with A-listers, and get out.
In The Shadows
Where do I start with Y&R? Formerly upstanding Nick Newman left rehab and had a one-night stand with a drug addict, Billy uncovered his own father, John Abbott, was the true owner of Chancellor (we think), and the long-absent Danny turned up with the keys to The Shadow Room.
Danny: “Meet the new man in charge!”
Christine: “This is the first I’m hearing of this.”
In real life, a husband would talk to his wife about a life-changing job that impacts both their lives, but it’s a soap, so I’ll allow it. But wow did Y&R fall down on the build-up: Danny sneaking around, Christine getting suspicious, Nina coming to GC to support her, Daniel getting involved, Phyllis sussing out Danny’s new job… make us care, people!
Hey. It’s only my opinion.
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