It’s Only My Opinion: General Hospital, Young and Restless And Other Soaps Need to Lighten Up!

Dark Shadows (From l.): B&B’s Luna, BTG’s Bill, GH’s Willow and Y&R’s Mariah are contributing to a heavy feel on daytime.

What’s with all the crying and dying? Lighten up, soaps!

It’s summer on Bold and Beautiful, where we used to enjoy Flo and Wyatt frolicking at the beach house, Sly bartending at Bikini Bar, and Fourth of July parties at the Forrester pool. Since April, they’ve had two stories going: Luna trying to kill Steffy and Liam slowly dying. 

Finn: “Liam’s condition is inoperable.” 

Dr. Buckingham: “Time is not on his side if he doesn’t act very soon.”  

Act how? Surgery, chemo, snake oil? Sitting around talking is no way to beat a brain tumor. Liam prattled on about the importance of spending time with his kids before he died, but we saw no scenes of him with Beth, and one dance with Kelly in April. 

Instead, it was this:

Hope: “Don’t you think it’s time to tell Bill and Wyatt and Will? The longer you keep this from them…” 

Liam: “Do you think I’m being selfish? 

Hope: “No. You’re trying to protect the people you love.” 

So they can be filled with regret when he dies? 

A brain tumor became the least of Liam’s problems when he busted into Flo and Wyatt’s old beach house (now being used as Hayes’s school) to check on Steffy and found Luna holding a gun on her. To review: Liam, Ridge, Taylor, Finn, etc. assured Steffy that they’d protect her from Finn’s murderous daughter, but there was no security at Steffy’s home, office, or the beach house/school. Luna even went to a public gun range and used a giant picture of Steffy’s face for target practice and… crickets. 

So, Luna luring Steffy to the school was not surprising. Neither was Steffy refusing to say Luna could see Finn, even after the lunatic held her hostage. 

Steffy: “We’re done. You’re not going to be part of Finn’s life.” 

Sheila: “Luna, no!”

Bang. 

Steffy: “You put a bullet in your grandmother! You are never going to have access to Finn. You’re going to prison. It’s over.” 

Choosing that moment to challenge the gun-toting maniac defied logic, but it did give Liam the chance to bust in, grab the gun, get shot, grab the gun again, and off Luna. Cue the scenes at the hospital so B&B’s two big summer stories could converge with three shooting victims and the beach house covered in blood. 

Not a bikini or cocktail in sight. Sigh.

Beyond the Gates showcased guns, too, as part of the “Martin did something bad and covered it up” storyline. Bill “The Fixer” Hamilton arranged with casino boss Joey to off Martin’s blackmailer, Kenneth, but things didn’t go as planned. 

Joey: “Is that racist piece of trash dead?” 

Randy: “I shot him just like you said. I think somebody might have seen me when I was dumping the body.” 

Randy double-crossed Joey, which almost got him killed, and Kenneth turned up not-so-dead at Martin’s house as a “friend” of Martin’s son, Tyrell. Martin went ballistic. 

Bill: “It was a power play. Tyrell was never in any real danger.” 

Martin: “These are my children!”

Bill: “Emotion clouds judgment. Every second you spend ragging me is a second I’m not fixing this.” 

Vernon Dupree’s involvement in this mess is interesting, but this level of violence feels misplaced on a show where a singing group has its own storyline. It’s hard to mix guns and music.

Over on Young and Restless, Cole got a cough in April and just died of Legionnaires’ Disease. 

Claire (trying to call Kyle): “I need to hear your voice. My dad… I lost him.” 

Sorry, Claire. Kyle is in Nice (where Cane is somehow the only one with cell service), watching Audra sashay around in fewer clothes than a Kardashian. That left Claire alone to grieve with her mom back in Genoa City, where they both sported big, heavy sweaters in July. 

Did you know Cole liked poetry? Victoria recited it as she and Claire discussed his upcoming memorial service and picked out his coffin with zero family around in the most depressing scenes you can imagine. 

No, wait! There’s Mariah sobbing on a bench.

Mariah: “What have I done?” 

More to the point, what has Y&R done? Why would anyone subject themselves to this sadness and defeat? Mariah did something bad with a strange man that she’s been crying about for months, but won’t divulge to her wife, Tessa. 

Tessa: “I feel like I’m losing the woman I love.”

Mariah: “I know this is the right decision.” 

Tessa: “Well, I don’t! You know how much you’re hurting me but that’s not enough to let me in. All that’s left is heartbreak.” 

Tune in tomorrow to watch Mariah suffocate Duncan McKechnie (IYKYK). 

General Hospital’s Willow lost custody of her kids, so she went to the pool to cry while watching Wiley swim.

Wiley: “I miss you, Mommy.”

Willow: “I love you, Wiley!”  

Her bitterness prompted her to start sneaking into the Quartermaine house to gaslight Sasha into thinking she’s losing her mind by moving Sasha’s baby, Daisy, around the mansion. The lack of security at the Q’s is not believable since we all saw Drew and Willow have sex on a Q camera, but the sadder part of this tale is that Sasha has already buried a husband and a child, so we’ve literally been watching her cry for four years.

On a related note, it boggles the mind that Sonny killed FBI agent Jagger Cates, and no video was confiscated from the Q boathouse for any investigation by the PCPD, WSB, or the FBI, which is, ahem, a real organization. That said, Sonny still has rooting value despite all the bad things he’s done, and here’s why:

Gio: “Sonny has always been so protective and generous. Am I blind?” 

Carly: “It’s complicated. Sonny has done things he’s not proud of, but he’s also one of the most loyal men I’ve ever known. He loves his family fiercely. You’ve seen that side of him.”

Natalia saw that side of him, too, but she felt gaslighted by Sonny, so she swallowed a bunch of pills to get out of the spiral she was in between the mob, the law, and her children, who hated her. Suicide is tough to watch, but Eva LaRue did yeoman work on her way out. Natalia’s death heats up the mob war (pun intended with all the fires and burn victims), which makes for good story — but FYI, offscreen violence works, too. 

Days of Our Lives has a creepy loan shark stalking Ari because of her “relationship” with Doug III (which we would care more about if we knew these people), but Ari is also stalking Doug. She climbed in his window to confront him about giving her the key to his room and then throwing her out of the pub. 

Ari: “That is, like, the definition of mixed signals.” 

Doug: “I had to meet this guy I owe money to. You shouldn’t be around me, it’s not safe.”

Ari: “I like bad boys.” 

Doug III qualifies, since he robbed Julie on his first day in Salem in one of the sadder moments of OG Doug’s funeral. 

EJ’s shooting has been more entertaining since he’s defending his own son for the crime. Whodunnits are a soap staple (and EJ is fully recovered), so we can let that gunplay slide — especially because there have been moments of levity. When Kristen blasted Johnny by saying, “Of course he did it,” Johnny’s grandma stormed out.

Marlena (to Brady): “Text me when she’s gone.”  

And while it’s hard to crack wise about a shooting, it helps when the victim is a legacy scoundrel.

Roman (whispering): “I also had a reason for wanting EJ dead.”

Kate: “Half the town does!” 

Lighthearted snark beats crying and dying every time.

Hey. It’s only my opinion.