It’s Only My Opinion For The Soap Week Ending November 29

That’s Incredible! Y&R’s Sharon (Sharon Case, l.), B&B’s Hope (Annika Noelle) and GH’s Lulu (Alexa Havins) are in credibility-stretching storylines.

How realistic do soaps have to be for us to buy the stories? That depends.

We’ll forgive a lot if the stories are entertaining — like all the GH-ers moving into the Quartermaine mansion. It’s not logical, but how great is it that Sam’s exes joined forces to make sure her kids stay together?

Dante (to Rocco): “I’ll talk to Monica about you and me staying here.”

Danny: “What about you, Dad?”

Jason: “I’m going to move back here, too, so I can live with you.”

Talk about a full circle moment; Jason hasn’t lived there since his accident 30 years ago. To review: Michael slept with Sasha (who is now pregnant) after his wife Willow slept with his uncle Drew who Jason punched in the Quartermaine foyer, but they hid the fight from cops Chase and Dante and they will all be living at the Qs’ now bumping into each other in the kitchen. That’s gold, Jerry.

It’s also not reasonable that the witnesses at Ava’s trial were sitting in the courtroom listening to everyone else’s testimony (in real life, witnesses have to wait outside to testify in order to insure independent accounts). But a soap trial demands audience reaction, multiple gasps and at least one “Order in the court!”

Ric (questioning Kristina on the stand): “I’ll be brief in deference to your ordeal. Why are you lying?”

Gasp!

I’m less sold on Lulu’s return. No tubes or wires or catheter or alarm bells after a four-year coma and major abdominal surgery that left her near death, she just… climbed out of bed? Harder to believe was the fact that Laura was nowhere near Turning Wood and Cyrus was consulting with the doctor. GH was so careful about recreating the confrontation between Lulu and Cyrus that had aired with the previous actress; how could there be no mention of where Lulu’s devoted mother was as she was waking up?

Similarly, Sam’s funeral was a beautiful tribute full of loved ones and flashbacks and graveside heart-to-hearts honoring her beloved character but it was interspersed with people listing “memories” that never happened: A bracelet Sam had given Alexis on Mother’s Day which broke the morning of the service… Ric and Molly reminiscing about seeing 12 Angry Men when she was in high school (“I know it’s your favorite”)… Dante, Cody and Olivia recalling the time Sam told off an ump at a softball game and later had to explain her bad behavior to Scout.

Olivia: “Ah, the old sportsmanship speech!”

We didn’t see any of that. I’ll never understand why soaps create fake memories for characters when they have 60-plus years of real ones.

Taking a page from Lulu, DAYS’s Sarah was miraculously out of bed one day after being injected with a serum (concocted by local lunatic Dr. Rolf) to cure her paralysis. That’s reasonable only if we look at the serum as a placebo that gave Sarah the positive attitude she needed to walk again.

Elsewhere, it made sense that loopy Bonnie burned Thanksgiving dinner.

Justin: “I’ll pick up some pizza. I know it’s not traditional but some families do it.”

Like GH’s Quartermaines, right Ned? Wink!

Justin and Bonnie wound up at the Brady Pub where Kayla did her best to unite argumentative family members (like many people do on holidays).

Philip: “We have our differences, but we’re always going to be family and break bread in peace and harmony — even though I kicked Xander to the curb and replaced him as head of Titan.”

So much for harmony! Harder to buy was DAYS lining up Xander, Sarah, Bonnie, Justin, Alex, Stephanie, Patch, Kayla, Maggie, Kate and Philip on one side of a long table like it was The Last Supper. Can’t the show spring for two cameras on Thanksgiving?

B&B is the least realistic soap, in part because its set in an L.A. fashion house with no gay people. Since its a half-hour show, big events happen to the same handful of characters which makes those stories less plausible. (Brooke has been married 15 times, four more than Daytime’s most famous marry-er Erica Kane). That said, the big Forester vs. Logan rivalry has authentically played out for decades, most recently with Steffy and Hope fighting over the same men (Liam, Wyatt, Finn).

Steffy’s firing of Hope caused Hope’s latest boyfriend Carter to lose his mind (and ethics) and try a hostile takeover of Forrester.

Carter: “This is for every underdog who deserves a voice. We will turn Forrester into a place where everyone can thrive.”

Hope: “They have no idea they turned Forrester Creations over to you.”

Yes they do, because the most believable thing happened: Brooke overheard their plans and ran straight to Ridge. Ridge called outside counsel (Justin!) to stop Carter’s coup which all seemed like appropriate legalese. Aside from Ridge busting his best friend Carter on his criminality and backstabbing I hope he shines a light on the absurd entitlement Hope and Carter exhibited, angry that their contributions to the company “meant nothing.”

Carter: “We’ve been overlooked, discarded, disrespected.”

Were they not paid? Go get ‘em, Ridge.

Nothing has been more convincing than Y&R taking 12 years to rebuild the Newman ranch. Victor is rich — and very secretive — so when he surprised Nikki with their fancy new digs it was like of course. Victor is also the most sensible person in Genoa City, and his pronouncements are always entertaining.

Nick: “Sharon is not a threat to anyone on this ranch.”

Victor: “How can you be sure?”

Nick: “I just am.”

Victor: “She murdered Heather and was most likely involved in Phyllis’s accident. Have you forgotten she burned this damn place down to the ground?”

Why is Nick acting like such a dope? He’s constantly sticking up for nutcase Sharon and it’s not because he wants her back.

Phyllis: “What am I missing? Sharon confessed!”

Yes, and she was pouring coffee at Crimson Lights the next day. Make that make sense.

The Newmans and Abbotts — like the Quartermaines, Kiriakises and Forresters, live and work together which is the most truthful way to create ongoing conflict. Diane booted Kyle from Jabot and then she and Jack (read what actor Peter Bergman has to say about his 35 years as Jack here) teamed up to prove Victor was just using him at Glissade. Kyle was big mad.

Kyle: “I was blinded by my rage and I think I know why. I never forgave you for leaving me as a kid.”

Now we’re getting somewhere.

Billy’s mother also fired him — and then sold Chancellor to Victor — which prompted Billy to suggest to Phyllis they team up and take Victor down together.

Billy: “It’s time the old man got a taste of his own medicine.”

Phyllis: “I’ll forward your mail to the cemetery.”

Realistic and entertaining. I buy it!

Hey. It’s only my opinion.