It’s Only My Opinion: Enough With The Kidnappings! Free GH’s Josslyn, Y&R’s Diane and Other Soap Faves
General Hospital and Young and Restless are chock full of abductions, while Days of Our Lives, Bold and Beautiful and Beyond the Gates have showcased hostage-takings and stalkings. Come on, it’s summer! We want to take a break from characters getting stolen, trapped, and “locked in.”
Kidnappings R Us
Y&R has scripted so many abductions lately the plot device has completely lost its effectiveness. We’ve seen Alan kidnap Phyllis and Sharon, “Ian Ward” convince Mariah to steal Dominic, Matt Clark lock up Nick, Noah, Adam and Sharon (which was the fourth time in two years Sharon Newman had been kidnapped), Victor snatch Jack and hold him hostage on a boat with nutbag Patty, and Victor repeatedly lock up Matt Clark. On the bright side, Lily only pretended to be kidnapped.
Which brings us to Patty somehow making Jack’s wife Diane disappear in a truly absurd twist.
Jack: “I have decided to let Patty think she is calling the shots until I can turn the tables. If I agree to Patty’s terms, Diane stays safely locked away.”
Traci: “What are her terms?”
Jack: “That I begin a romantic relationship with her. Patty wants to move into the house, and she wants everyone else to move out.”
Patty: “Diane is no longer an option for you. You and I are going to be together.”
Jack: “You really think you can blackmail me into a relationship?”
Clearly, since she forced Traci, Kyle and the invisible Harrison to move out of the Abbott mansion so she could have a clear shot at bagging her true love. It’s all very hard to buy because Patty is not a believable character. First of all, she’s responsible for the death of Traci’s daughter Colleen and tried to kill numerous other Genoa City residents, so she should be in jail. Second, her trashy clothes and breathy delivery don’t make sense for a middle-aged murderer who has spent most of her adult life in an asylum. Anyone remotely smart would see this sad, rejected woman coming a mile way, but there’s Patty making lucrative deals with Victor Newman and groping Jack Abbott — two men she previously shot multiple times.
But mostly this arc doesn’t work because we all know the latest kidnapper of the day will soon be yesterday’s news. All Genoa City abductions end the same way: With the victim home safe.
Jack: “I know none of this is normal.”
Ya think? Come on, Y&R, get to the end game: Jack and Nikki!
Spy Games
Over on GH, we’ve got Drew and Brennan suffering “locked-in syndrome” thanks to Willow and Nina brandishing loaded syringes and Britt and Rocco on the run to avoid capture by WSB baddies. We’ve also seen Anna, Josslyn and now Liesl Obrecht seized by those same baddies connected to Sidwell, while family members search for them … but no one calls the police.
Nina (to Carly and Valentin): “Aunt Liesl has been taken by someone!”
Seeking help from the local hotel owner and her fugitive lover was a choice, but it did light a fire under Valentin after six months hiding in Carly’s attic.
Valentin: “They found their scientist. We’re out of time. I’ve got to do as Jack asked and turn myself in to the WSB.”
Meaning he has to try and stop Sidwell and Cullum from completing “Faison’s Final Project” involving cold fusion, which feels wonderfully familiar to those of us who watched Luke save the world from the Cassadines and the Ice Princess.
Anna being held hostage in a loony bin in France opened the door for Carly and Valentin to fall into bed while he hid out at her house. That was a delicious surprise to us but a rude awakening for Carly’s beau, Jack Brennan, who took great pleasure in reminding Carly last week that Anna was Valentin’s true love (after he learned Val had risked his freedom to call the clinic and check on Anna).
Brennan: “Valentin knows the WSB is monitoring her. He’s obsessed with her.”
Carly (indignant): “I don’t think you’re right about that.”
Brennan: “Sorry. You’re great and all, but Anna is it for him. His actions prove it.”
Ouch. Anna is thankfully back this week, which should signal the imminent end of Josslyn’s two-month incarceration as well as Obrecht cosplaying as an evil scientist.
Less Wyndemere basement, more Metro Court Pool!
Tornado Ally
BTG exes Bill and Dani enjoyed a different kind of “locked-in syndrome” during the tornado when they got stuck in an elevator and took a passionate trip down memory lane. She’s horrified that they did the nasty; he is not.
Dani: “You should be just as invested in pretending that elevator ride never happened because if you’re not, our marriages are going down.”
Bill: “What if I don’t care?”
Take that, Hayley! I know it’s politically incorrect to want cheater Bill to win happily married Dani back, but it’s so soapy I can’t help it.
Being trapped in the tornado also activated some latent PTSD in Chelsea, which her grandpa quickly sussed out.
Vernon: “You’re quiet, baby girl. This is bringing you back to the kidnapping.”
Chelsea: “It made me realize how you all must have felt when I was in that cabin with Allison. My mind went to some dark places.”
Vernon: “And now the storm has passed.”
Here’s hoping that mention of Allison is not a harbinger of Chelsea’s crazed stalker returning.
Staying Alive
Speaking of stalkers, DAYS’s Peter Blake held most of his DiMera siblings hostage in the family crypt and then his sister Lexie returned from the dead. She was apparently kept on ice in the basement after dying on screen over a decade ago, only to be resurrected with some kind of magic serum administered by Dr. Rolf. Lexie is lying to everyone, and unfortunately, her husband Abe — the former police commissioner — is buying her act. Abe’s son-in-law Eli is not.
Eli: “Since you woke up, have you had any interactions with Dr. Rolf? He is a wanted fugitive. We have reason to believe your brother EJ is harboring him. You are a former officer of the law, can you help me?”
Lexie: “I don’t have any information but if I hear from Dr. Rolf I will let you know.”
Yeah, right. She’s getting regular injections on the sly from that crackpot and Abe is totally buying her act. What’s even harder to believe is that Paulina just stepped aside when Lexie showed up and let her have her husband. Abe and Lexie’s attendance at the Juneteenth ceremony was painful because that’s Abe and Paulina’s wedding date. But then…
Paulina: “Abraham, thank you for the lovely anniversary flowers.”
Gotcha! Lexis chastised Abe for giving Paulina “false hope” that he still has feelings for her, but she’s the one kidding herself if she thinks Abe will stay with her after he finds out about all her subterfuge. We all know Abe and Paulina are endgame — especially since DAYS has lost A-list couples Doug/Julie and John/Marlena (never mind Bo/Hope). Count me in if they renew their vows and jump the broom again next year.
Stalk Show
Remy stalked Electra on B&B, released deep fake nudes of her, held her captive, and tried to kill Will. Now he’s lurking around his cousin Dylan and his ex Deke to the detriment of both their jobs when he should absolutely be in jail. Paging Lieutenant Baker!
And, oh look: There’s psychotic murderer/kidnapper Sheila Carter busting into Taylor’s office and finding her in a smooch with Deacon.
Sheila: “Seeing you both together with your arms around her protecting her? It hurts a lot more than I thought it would.”
Sheila held Deacon’s divorce papers in her hands and said she deserves something in return for all she gave to the marriage: She wants Taylor to convince Finn and Steffy to let her back in their lives.
Sheila: “I am a changed woman. I’m asking for two days a month with the people I love. You want me to sign these? You’ll make that happen.”
And if they don’t? Cue the 900th kidnapping…
Conversation
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