Oakdale Waiting Games

First there was “Secret Blog of an Oakdale Bartender,” then “Confessions of an Oakdale Barista.” Not to be outdone, an overworked waitress at AS THE WORLD TURNS’ busiest diner vents about her thankless job (and her high school nemesis). (Here’s hoping none of their customers ever stumbles on the secret Web site Soap Opera Weekly found!)

April 1: Happy April Fool’s and unhappy me. My Al’s uniform chafes and I woke up this morning with a mysterious rash under my arms. This is what I get for walking around in blue polyester blends eight hours a day.

April 2: Aaron Snyder’s baby sister just ordered the Lumberjack Special. I know it’s none of my business, but 1) Where’s she going to put all those pancakes? and 2) What’s she doing here all by herself? Thank God Meg went over to check on her. Thank God for Meg in general…except when she’s flirting with weirdo Paul Ryan, who never tips. (Thanks to the gang at the Dine ‘n’ ‘Dale board for that heads-up!) Could her taste in boyfriends get any worse?

April 2 (later): Okay, I take back all the mean comments about Meg’s taste in men, because she not only cleaned up the mess out in the bushes (that explains where Faith put all the pancakes), but she promised she’d work for me any time I wanted before she took her niece home. Aw!

April 5: Kenny at the Lakeview and Java Julie claim they get no business anymore. I thought they were exaggerating until I picked up a lunch shift and looked through a bunch of the old checks.
“W” and “G” (I’m assuming that’s Will and Gwen Munson) have eaten one meal here per day, every day for the last week. Sheesh! Our burgers aren’t that good, people. Trust me, I know how long the meat’s been in that walk-in freezer.

April 9: I called Julie and told her Jade Taylor was here. Julie said: “Burn her food.” Apparently there’s some leftover mocha frappuccino bitterness there, huh? In any case, Jade had a new pal who’s definitely not ‘cute Luke’ (Julie’s words, not mine.). Instead, it was this klutzy chick who managed to bang into two tables and spill silverware everywhere.

April 12: Jade’s freaky friend was back twice today. OMG. Is there nowhere else in O-town to eat? And her table manners? Let’s just say I’m never touching our pancakes and sausage again.

April 16: What is this, a straight month of the Al’s diet for “W” and “G”? I got news for you: Subway, we’re not.

April 20: Ms. Walsh sure loves her some vanilla milkshakes! And I kept an eye on Faith from behind the counter. The girl ate every bite of breakfast and kept it down. I’m kind of proud of her!

April 24: Ali Stewart started working here again, back from God knows where. Seattle? Vegas? That girl annoyed me in high school and she annoys me now. (Okay, so I wanted to ask Aaron to Homecoming, and between stupid Alison and stupid Lucy Montgomery, I had, like, no shot in hell…)

April 27: Ali’s flirting with weirdo Paul. I bet he tips her. Ugh.

May 5: Happy Cinco de Mayo! I took the pot at the weekly poker game. Beso mi grits, Henry!

May 8: I told Ali to stop slacking. She told me to mind my own business. Dude, this is my business. (Upper management, here I come!)

May 15: Nan told me she went over to chat up Det. Snyder because she’s “concerned” about that skeezy dealer who’s been hanging around lately, but me, Leslie, and Meg know for a fact that Nan (and her coconut cream pie) are just incredibly sweet on that man. Any other guy who hauls his three kids in here practically every morning for breakfast would end up on our “spit surprise” list, but Detective Jack is sacred! Nan, Nan, Nan…have you seen Katie Peretti and her fancy TV show? Yep, you’re out of luck.

May 22: Between gabbing with her mom, her sister and that creepy intense Dusty guy in in the middle of her shift and the walking out every five minutes to talk to shady guys by the neon sign, Ali has to be the worst employee on the planet. I hate, hate, hate her! So, tell me, why do all her tables get more tips? I’m starting to believe Leslie about that porn flick she says her boyfriend rented. (“Boyfriend.” Ha. Everybody knows Leslie rents from behind the 18-and-over curtain!)

May 22 (later): On the bright side? Ali looks like hell. She must be more allergic to the Al’s uniform than I am!