Doug Davidson: From Boomer to Sandwicher
THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS’ Doug Davidson opens up about the national phenomenon that has his fellow Baby Boomers balancing the needs of their children against their aging parents.
“We’re the first generation to have to go through this,” notes Davidson, who is part of the 41 percent of Baby Boomers in the so-called “sandwich” generation: Those who take care of children and parents at the same time. “There are things at this point in my life I never realized would be so difficult, like taking care of the business side of my dad’s stuff. Life expectancy has increased dramatically. Your 40s or 60s used to be a normal time to pass on. Now it’s the 80s and 90s.
“When my dad had a stroke at 87, it was the first time the responsibility of major decision-making fell on my shoulders,” Davidson continues. “You can categorize it as my Presbyterian bar mitzvah, but it wasn’t planned. It was an instantaneous moment in a Mexican restaurant in Burbank [Calif.]. A margarita triggered a blood clot, and at the time of the seizure, I remember all the faces of my family turning to me.”
After Davidson’s father recovered, his mother went on to spend her final days living with Davidson, his wife Cindy Fisher (ex-Diane, DAYS OF OUR LIVES and ex-Dana, Y&R), and their two kids, Calyssa and Caden. “We had nurses, and Cindy was up 24/7 tending to my mom, cooking and running a household,” he shares. “I was working part time, but it was crazy. It was a strain on everybody.”
More recently, Davidson moved his widower dad closer to him, which meant packing up the family home. “He closed the door on 60 years of living in one residence,” Davidson marvels. “There wasn’t a nook, cranny or drawer that wasn’t filled with junk, treasures and important items. Consequently, we’ve had three sets of construction Dumpsters there and I’m going through stuff. My wife stepped up again and is just an amazing person.”
The obvious upside of this trend is that the grandkids get to know their grandparents, but balancing responsibilities can be taxing for the parents in the middle. “It’s the yin and yang, definitely,” concedes Davidson. “I take my dad to go run errands, and what was going to be a couple of hours turns into a 10-hour day. Part of me is going, ‘What happened to what I wanted from my weekend?’ Then I release that and I’m okay.
“I can’t even delve into my midlife crisis I’m so tangled up in it all!” he quips. “Maybe that is the midlife crisis nowadays, but I thought it was supposed to be more about me!”
For all of Davidson’s joking, the experience has led him to search his soul. “I’m redefining my meaning of faith,” he explains. “I’m not talking specifically religious, but more generically. Whatever higher power you might believe in, there is so much more that you must turn over. I joke about when I believed in the illusion of control. You think you’re in control of your kids or your own destiny, but that’s a large aspect of what you have to let go of. Worry is a total waste of time….but I’m so good at it! I’m trying to let it go. Sometimes I can; sometimes I can’t.”
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