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Classic Lines: Soaps' Most Sparkling Dialogue

Eileen Davidson, Peter Bergman, Beth Maitland, Jason Thompson, Trevor St. John

Howard Wise/

Ms. Abbott (Eileen Davidson, r.) takes on Ashley’s brothers Jack (Peter Bergman, sitting) and Billy (Jason Thompson, r.), sister Traci (Beth Maitland), and Tucker (Trevor St.  John).


Liam (to Steffy): I was accused of waffling over the years and I am guilty as charged.



(Leo and Stephanie find out that Jada and Everett/Bobby are married.)
Jada: Will you please just sign the damn divorce papers.
Stephanie: You two are still married?
Leo: Jada and Everett, hashtag Jeverett, married? Juicy.
Everett: Apparently the divorce decree was never officially finalized.
Jada: Yeah, because Bobby never signed the papers, and he won’t do it now.
Leo: Wait. Who is Bobby?
Jada: He is.
Leo: Jada and Bobby, hashtag Jobby?
(Stefan confronts EJ after the judge refuses to accept his arranged plea deal and says she’ll notify them of her decision.)
Stefan: You deliberately presented a weak case. You wanted her to be appalled.
EJ: I did exactly what we agreed upon; no more, no less. We are both beholden to the justice system. I don’t make the rules. Whatever the judge decides is based on her own discretion, OK?
Stefan: Oh, so that’s it, huh? You think I’m going to let some funky judge ruin my plans?
EJ: It is out of my hands now.
Stefan: Is it, brother? Maybe I didn’t destroy the only copy of that tape.
EJ: Oh I wouldn’t put it past you. So take this in. I am more than happy to reveal who shot and nearly killed Detective Michaels.
Stefan: You would not.
EJ: Oh try me. So why don’t you take your ass and go back to your cell like a good little boy. My blackmail trumps your blackmail any day of the week, and besides I still have a binding agreement turning over all your worldly possessions to me. See you in a few years, broski.


(Nina has some regrets…)
Nina: If you breathe a word of this to Sonny…
Drew: Having hate sex with you on my office floor isn’t something I’m going to be bragging about.
Alexis: Nina, why don’t you just admit it.
Nina: Admit what?
Alexis: That you hired DeWitt to piss me off.
Nina: No, I actually do think he’s an asset.
Alexis: And the fact that he’s a colossal thorn in my side?
Nina: Oh, that’s just a perk. No doubt about it.
(Brook Lynn is surprised by Lois’ mother-of-the-bride dress choice.)
Lois: What’s wrong with it?
Brook Lynn: Absolutely nothing.
Lois: Well, something.
Brook Lynn: The dress is lovely. It’s… um… It’s classy and elegant and tasteful.
Lois: I feel a ‘but’ coming.
Brook Lynn: No buts. It’s just not really your style.
Lois: Okay, ‘it’s just’ and ‘but’ are exactly the same thing.
Brook Lynn: Come on, Ma. You think that’s your style?
Lois: To go out on a Saturday night? No. But I was under the impression that what you wear to your daughter’s wedding and what you wear to go out clubbing are two completely different things.
Brook Lynn: You don’t have to be this different. What kind of nails would you even do with that?
Lois: Oh, I was thinking maybe just clear.
Brook Lynn: WHAT?
(Gregory is down his Plus-One for Chase and Brook Lynn’s wedding.)
Gregory: Alexis has to appear in Manhattan the morning after the wedding. She’s hoping to get her disbarment overturned.
Tracy: Oh, well. Good for her.
Gregory: Do you mean that?
Tracy: (laughs) I’m sure some part of me must.


Audra: Where have you been?
Tucker: Oh, in my secret lair doing the usual. You know, scheming, plotting… being generally nefarious. You know how it is.

(Ms. Abbott during the Ashley intervention.)

Ms. Abbott: You guys, I mean honestly, the next time that you plan an intervention, can you please just run the guest list by me first?


Tucker: Your recent conversations with Audra.

Ms. Abbott: Audra…the town bicycle. She’s got a brain the size of a pea and you’re going to take her word over mine?