Howard Wise/jpistudios.com
For the week in soaps, ending on May 14, there were some fun moments thanks to many talented soap writers. Of course, in the capable hands of many of daytime’s most dynamic actors, these sitcom-worthy lines truly tickle our collective funny bone. Digest may not have caught all the witty lines but here’s a sampling of what stood out this past week.
Bold And Beautiful
(Deacon insists that Sheila get medical attention.)
Deacon: You’re gonna go to the hospital, and you’re gonna get checked out by the doctor, and he’s gonna say everything is okay, and then we’re gonna know you’re safe, and then we can come back here, and we can play a different version of doctor.
(Li is shocked to see that Sheila is alive.)
Li: This can’t be. You can’t be.
Sheila: And yet, here I am. You know, and I’d say I’m looking pretty good for a corpse, huh?
(Sheila shares with Deaacon how she relishes the opportunity to shock specific people that she’s not dead.)
Sheila: I cannot wait to walk into Eric Forrester’s home. You know Donna, she’s a screamer.
Deacon: No, not firsthand.
Days of our Lives
(Johnny tries to convince Chanel that she isn’t immature)
Johnny: If there’s anyone who’s immature it’s me. My only job title is trust fund baby.
(Theresa talks to herself.)
Theresa: They say the best things in life are free, but I just happen to be shallow enough to think a few things are not enough.
(Sophia is upset about her black eye)
Holly: Swelling’s supposed to go up before it goes down.
Sophia: Thank you, doctor.
(EJ offers Leo a deal to keep quiet about Jude’s true parentage.)
EJ: In exchange for a lifetime of your discretion, I’m willing to transfer a very generous amount of money to a bank account of your choosing.
(Shows Leo a page on his phone screen with a dollar amount on it.)
Leo: Wow. That’s like accidentally-drowning-after-falling-off-our-own-yacht kind of money.
EJ: This is what you wanted when you came to my house yesterday, wasn’t it? It can all be yours, but only if you promise not to ask any more questions or utter another syllable about Jude ever to anyone.
Leo: Oh. I have two options here. I could be extraordinarily wealthy. Someone who uses the word “summer” as a verb, who yells at his personal assistant, but then very quickly apologizes. Someone who pretends to like skiing, oh, with the outfits and all the equipment, sitting in some lodge having a hot chocolate. It’s such a to-do. Or I could be a person of integrity, someone who tells the truth.
EJ: What will it be then Leo?
(Leo pushes a button on EJ’s phone.)
EJ: Transfer complete.
General Hospital
(Cody and Tracy are at the stables.)
Cody (carrying a saddle): You have a great seat. Anyone ever tell you that?
Tracy (taken by surprise, raises her eyebrows): Not in a while.
Young And Restless
(At their table in the GCAC dining room, Phyllis and Sharon wait for Summer, who left to make a phone call.)
Sharon: I’m sorry. Could you tell Summer that I had to run?
Phyllis: Yes, to your tech empire, right? The one I didn’t get a job at.
Sharon: That’s the one.
(Jordan deduces what Victor has in store for her.)
Jordan: I think that you want me to do your dirty work. And I think… I’m right. I mean, what is it? My hands are already awash in blood. What’s a little more?
