Carolyn’s Opinion

How do stories change when characters are honest? Check out what Digest columnist Carolyn Hinsey has to say about what’s happening across the daytime dial.

Brutally honest characters are overtaking funny ones lately — but the best are both.

It’s a race to the bottom for Y&R’s Abbotts and I’m here for all of it.

Diane: “This is not a home, it’s a battleground.”
Ashley: “Move into the pool house. You’ll be comfortable there — it’s almost the same as it was before you burned it down.”
Jack: “Is there no level you won’t stoop to?”

Luckily, no, since Ashley’s next “level” was to troll them by announcing a fake engagement to Tucker.

Diane (skeptical): “Why keep it a secret?”
Tucker: “We didn’t want to risk a public announcement because it’s so easy to get poisoned at those things.”

Ouch. Tucker is full of it but man, his sarcasm is entertaining. Ditto Ashley and Diane, whose snark is magnified by living in the same house.

Diane: “I have to pick out the perfect wedding dress for when I become Mrs. Jack Abbott. Maybe you can help me?”
Ashley: “I can’t stand you.”

Kudos to Y&R from moving from the bored rooms, er, boardrooms, into the living rooms of the Abbott and Newman homes.

Victoria: “Dad wanted me to take pity on you and your ramshackle company.”
Adam: “Let the battle begin.”

Even sweet Elena is getting into the act, hunting down cheaters Nate and Victoria at the office to trash them.

Elena: “The two of you together and you have clothes on! Special occasion?”

She went off, announcing she’s quitting the podcast to go back to medicine, a.k.a. “a career that actually helps people”, with the kicker that Nate and Vicky are pathetic.

Sarcasm becomes her.

Sarcasm hasn’t become anyone on B&B lately, but a surprising dark horse has emerged in the truth-telling department: Finn.

Finn (to Sheila): “Use this time to better yourself. Good-bye.”

His imprisoned birth mother didn’t take that too well, vowing, “This is not over!” Finn didn’t care, proving again that he has zero tolerance for Sheila’s murderous shenanigans.

Brooke is also looking sideways at her “BFF” Taylor and Taylor’s giggly fake interference into everyone’s lives. Sorry, but Brooke is being waaaay too polite with that duplicitous shrink.

Taylor: “I need to know how you feel about my son.”
Brooke: “I’m not comfortable with Thomas and Hope working together.”

What a ridiculous question (and, frankly, answer). Here’s what Brooke’s response should have been:

Brooke: “The psychopath who stalked my daughter and faked my voice on a CPS call to ruin my marriage to Ridge? Not good.”

Taylor’s daughter is also on an endless loop. Here’s a recap of Steffy’s dialogue for the past two months:

Steffy (to Hope): “Are you attracted to Thomas?”

Make it stop. There’s a hole in that show without Bill Spencer because he’s the only character they write as honest and funny.

Like GH’s Tracy, who is also missed when she’s off the canvas. Tracy’s granddaughter Brook Lynn danced around Chase for so long we forgot they were a couple until…

Tracy (to Chase): “Either forgive her or cut her loose.”

He forgave her (duh).

If you’re looking for brutal honesty, page Diane Miller.

Nina: “As one woman to another…”
Diane: “I’m going to 
be charging Sonny for this conversation.”
Nina: “This isn’t legal advice, it’s a-get-to-know-ya thing.”
Diane: “Now I’m charging him double. You and I are not friends.”

Diane’s clipped, no-nonsense approach is especially needed since Alexis quit lawyering to become a tabloid queen and Scotty has veered towards cartoonish lately. GH is full of tough mobsters and soft cops so they need a consistent legal pro to reel in far-out tales like “Local teen jailed without evidence for allegedly videotaping best friend having sex” and “Navy SEAL and sometime-date busted for insider trading.”

Bonus: When it comes to sarcasm, Diane is next level.

Diane (re: Nina’s engagement ring): “I hear congratulations are in order … for the jeweler.”

Congratulations are also in order for DAYS’s Kristen and Megan, sudden sisters released inexplicably early from prison. But to be honest — much like Y&R’s Abbotts — putting all the DiMeras in the same house has its rewards.

Megan (to Stefano’s portrait): “I’m filled with your power and authority!”

And nuttiness. After enduring the soap opera requisite of them all calling each other “sister” and “brother” in the first 100 scenes, we moved onto this:

Megan (to Stefan): “It’s a pleasure to meet you. I’m your sister.”
Anna: “You’re alive!”
Megan: “I’m not the first DiMera to come back from the grave.”

Ahem, they all have. Give it up for EJ sucking up to Megan while Stefan did the same to Kristen, Kristen calling EJ “Elvis”, and Nicole’s shock at seeing Kristen return home (“You’re out of prison? Again?”). But nothing beat Anna and Tony’s clearheaded assessment of the sitch.

Tony: “There’s a power struggle going on between EJ and Stefan vying for my sisters’ votes.”

Bring it!

Meanwhile, Anna talked openly in big rooms about Nicole’s “secret” pregnancy, which was not believable, but it led to comedy gold after Tony overheard and asked his 60-ish wife who was with child.

Anna: “It’s me. I’m pregnant.”
Tony: “I don’t think I heard you correctly.”

Anna babbled on about having been Dr. Rolf’s fertility guinea pig, which Tony observed was nothing short of a miracle.

Anna: “You’re telling me! This calls for a toast.”

Tsk, scolded a cynical Tony, reminding his wife she could not drink alcohol.

Tony: “I’m going to tell Harold to throw out all the soft cheeses. We’ll donate the wine to charity. Parenting is a sacrifice, isn’t it, Mommy?”

Busted! Let me amend my decree: Brutally honest + funny + A-listers = the best.

Hey. It’s only my 
opinion.