ABC
Let’s hear it for new stories rooted in old history!
We first met GH’s Cassadine family in 1981, and each member was worse than the next. Helena tormented our faves for years, but her son Valentin seemed to have broken the cycle. He sincerely romanced Nina and Anna, and seemed to be a caring father to his disturbed daughter Charlotte. Then all of a sudden last week, a prison van carrying baddie Jack Brennan pulled up and Valentin climbed in.
Jack: “All these years you’ve been instrumental in Pikeman’s expansion and no one had any idea.”
So he’s a bad guy after all! I like the twist but it doesn’t reflect too well on famed WSB agent and current police commissioner Anna Devane.
Anna: “I can tell you flat out I’ve never had anything to do with Pikeman. Jack Brennan could tell you more.”
Jagger: “I want Pikeman to go down. That’s my focus.”
Anna: “Mine too. How do we do it?”
Jagger: “Hopefully Jason can get us an answer.”
All these ace smarties digging around for years and none of them figured it out? Hmmm… we can forgive Sonny because Valentin messed with his meds and Ava is feeding him liquor.
Ava: “I’m here. You can count on me.”
Sonny: “You’re the only one who’s been here for me.”
Yeah, but to do what?
I’m less sold on GH retconning serial killer Heather Webber, but thankfully so is Dr. Portia Robinson.
Kevin: “I see a change in her since her surgery. The difference is quite striking.”
Portia: “Tell that to someone who didn’t almost lose her daughter to that madwoman.”
Alexis: “Kevin was just asking me if there was any legitimate legal reason…”
Portia (snarky): “You don’t even practice law anymore. I don’t care how nice or changed or victimized Heather seems to you. I will fight you with every breath in my body.”
That’s another story rooted in history: Alexis losing – and now regaining – her law license. It’s plausible that Diane can prove Alexis did not get due process, but there’s a danger in showcasing so many legal/social issues at once. The April 4 episode covered grief, depression, criminal recidivism, people in wheelchairs not feeling seen, health care coverage for city employees, and whether coming out would harm a lesbian’s career. Slow down, new head writers.
On a brighter note, the old Maxie is back! The outspoken dynamo added her voice to the chorus warning Nina off her cockamamie plan to get Sonny to love her again.
Maxie: “Any man you have to plot to get back is not a man you’re going to keep.”
Having “rug burn” sex with Drew isn’t going to score Nina any points with her estranged husband either, but her habit of self-sabotage does go waaaay back so it fits.
It’s hard to find classic DAYS history in current frontburner players Alex, Theresa, Jada, Everett, Stephanie, Chanel, Johnny, Leo, Ava, Harris, Tripp, Wendy, Tate or Holly, and watching former priest Eric continually buy newbie Sloan’s lies is just painful. So, let’s focus on Maggie rebuilding her life after Victor’s death, which is a very relatable story.
Maggie (staring at Victor’s portrait): “I’m trying to reconcile the many sides of Victor.”
Konstantin: “We all have our pasts.”
And his is a lie, manipulating Victor’s will in cahoots with the greedy Theresa.
I’m not a fan of the slippery Konstantin swindling poor Maggie but his presence has kept her and Julie in the spotlight so I’ll let him live (for now).
Maggie: “I’ve had to dig deep into my feelings about who Victor really was.”
Julie: “Victor was complicated. Then again, so was Doug. Doug certainly has a past – and look at him now! A model citizen, the most loving man I ever met. You brought out the best in Victor.”
Their love did indeed change their dynamic husbands for the better, but the downside of that is it makes the absence of Victor and Doug even larger. Sniff!
Konstantin is also konning John AKA “The Pawn” in a story that goes back to the 1980s. John and Patch working together is always a value add but I didn’t love Ava successfully lying to them about Clyde. Patch’s lies didn’t go over any better with Kayla.
Kayla: “You broke the man who murdered our niece Abigail out of prison? What the hell?”
Patch: “I was afraid I’d never see my son again.”
Kayla (sarcastic): “How shocking that Ava double-crossed you. How could you do something so stupid?”
Marital strife between long-married couples goes back to Tom and Alice in 1965, so Salem scorn like that is comforting.
Ashley: “You faked your own death, bitch! And you left your only son to grieve alone.”
Diane: “There is no shame in getting help.”
Ashley: “Jackie, how far back does your resentment go? To when you were a little boy and you realized I was our father’s favorite? How bitter are you?”
Billy: “You want to keep pushing buttons and avoid the situation. Can you admit that you need help?”
No. Barbs at Billy and Traci followed until the Abbotts cornered her. Bring on the men in the white coats – and a restraining order to keep Ashleys 1, 2 and 3 away from Tucker.
Over at the Newmans, Nikki was announcing she was not going to let Jordan have any power over her after taking a big swig of vodka which was Peak Nikki 1990. I don’t understand how she can sneak booze and then kiss Victor without him smelling anything – maybe the epilepsy that he forgot he suffers from has impacted his sense of smell?
Also satisfying is the decades-old duo of Lily and Daniel who are at war because he cheated on her and she fired him. Daniel has hired Heather to represent him in a wrongful termination lawsuit, so enter Billy to stir the pot.
Lily: “Why are you here?”
Billy: “I see a future where Chancellor-Winters soars to new heights. You and me running the whole damn place.”
Former lovers uniting for a hostile takeover while Lily’s other ex-lover teams up with his new lover to sue the company? I’m in!
What can we say about B&B’s Sheila? Of course, the nine-lives-and-nine-toes psychopath didn’t die, but it’s safe to say that story was a first. No other soap has ever told the story of the wrong body being identified at the moment of cremation by the fact that she had 10 toes. (Sheila faked her death the last time by lopping off her own toe to “prove” she had been eaten by a bear.) Her funeral was the smallest in soap history.
Deacon: “We have to pay tribute to the one and only Sheila Carter.”
Cue his ridiculous eulogy about the “flame” between the two of them, and then the son she gave up for adoption stood up to speak.
Finn: “You shot me. You shot my wife. I have no idea what I’m doing here.”
Okay, that was funny.
Memo to the three people at her memorial: Sheila had FOUR other kids besides Finn: Mary (with B&B’s James Warwick), Diana (with B&B’s Massimo Marrone which makes her Ridge’s half-sister), Daisy and Ryder (with Y&R’s Tom Fisher, which makes them Lauren’s in-laws via Michael’s brother Kevin Fisher). Did anyone call them?
Speaking of Lauren, she crossed over from Y&R to reminisce with Eric about Sheila’s 900 crimes which was an amusing way to remind us how Sheila terrorized everyone.
Donna (re: the funeral): “You weren’t planning on making an appearance?”
Lauren: “Oh God, no. I would have a hard time holding back: The blackmail, all the times she tried to kill me, the time she tried to drown me in a hot tub.”
Cue the flashbacks of Sheila doing all those things. While everyone high-fived each other at Sheila’s “passing,” another danger lurked for Steffy in the form of Hope comforting Steffy’s husband.
Hope (to Finn): “I am happy to lend an ear.”
She also thanked Finn for supporting her decision to turn down Thomas’s proposal, explaining it in a way that all long-time fans could understand.
Hope: “I didn’t want to get married again so soon. My mother has been married more times than I have fingers to count on. I didn’t want that for myself.”
Hey. It’s only my opinion.
