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Carolyn Hinsey Shares Her Opinions

Have the summer 2022 stories been intriguing? Check out what Digest columnist Carolyn Hinsey has to say about what’s happening across the daytime dial.

Summer’s half over — so why have so few of our faves been to the pool?

I’m looking at you, Y&R. Time was when the Chancellor back deck was the place to be, serving up teen drama between Billy, Mac and Raul, and grown-up drama like Phillip returning from the dead. Katherine promptly collapsed on her pool float.

What did we have this year? A newbie discussing a job at the family company with her grandfather.

Allie (to Jack): “I need to know that this is based purely on merit.”

Sure … A stranger from L.A. got a prized internship at Jabot based “purely on merit.” Even more unlikely was the way the show tried to ship Allie and Noah on July 4th.

Noah: “How do you feel about surprises?”
Allie: “I hate them. They’re very unpredictable.”

That is the literal definition of a surprise. (Are you sure you want to hand her a job, Jack?) Noah’s plan was for them to listen to an old radio broadcast of a murder mystery, which totally sounds like something two 20-somethings would do on a sunny holiday. Worse? They listened to it on earbuds so viewers couldn’t even hear it.

Noah: “Let’s solve a crime!”

You can start with the writing for the young characters on this show, who should be donning bathing suits and splashing around instead of telling stories that would work with characters 30 years older. Tessa couldn’t sing because of vocal nodules,
Lily, Abby, Amanda and Imani discussed new business ventures, and their hottest young couple, Kyle and Summer, were … hiring people.

Kyle: “Thank you for meeting with us.”
Summer: “We would like to bring you into Marchetti.”
Chelsea: “I’m honored.”

Not honored enough to take the job. Chelsea’s creative bust-up with Chloe was fun to watch, though, and they did have a few scenes on a “sunny” park bench. Chloe saved Chelsea over and over — professionally, personally and legally — yet Chelsea acted like Chloe still owed her something. To quote an old Brooklyn expression, Chelsea “thinks who she is.”

As for the teen scene, I think I saw Faith and Moses have a coffee but Johnny, Katie, Charlie and Mattie remain uncast and off screen. Perhaps that’s the next crime Noah should solve.

B&B — the only soap set in a real place which happens to be sunny California — spent the summer in Finn’s makeshift hospital room and a variety of dark offices and living rooms. One of them had no light at all.

Brooke: “The power went out.”
Ridge: “It’s windy outside, that’s probably what caused the blackout.”

They did talk about a pool but we didn’t see it.

Carter doesn’t need the pretense of being outdoors — he takes his shirt off and oils up at home.

Quinn: “I’m going to focus on this super-hot body in front of me.”

There are no teens on this show and only two young people who aren’t parents (Paris and Zende). R.J., Will and a sudden daughter for Carter are just screaming for a summer story. Crank up the Bikini Bar set and tell it!

GH has its own “bikini bar” with the Metro Court pool, and kudos to them for setting lots of action around it. Joss, Trina, Cam, Spencer and Esme took the most advantage, treating us to the ceremonial throwing of your enemy into the drink.

Joss: “You need to get your girlfriend under control.”
Spencer: “The porno queen of PCU is in no position to judge anyone.”

Joss threw Spencer in, Esme tossed Joss in, and Trina shoved Esme in. Naturally, Carly came running.

Carly (to Spencer and Esme): “You’re banned from my hotel.”

Her hotel? I digress.

Turned out the water aerobics were a clever ruse orchestrated by Spencer as part of his scheme to bust Esme. But even when the local lookers aren’t being thrown in, a body of water makes it a lot easier for characters like Chase and Drew to walk around shirtless — and it’s always good to have another set where fiery exes can bump into each other.

Obrecht: “I thought vampires burst into flame when touched by daylight.”
Victor: “I heard your ambulance chaser proposed and you turned him down. That signals you and I could be together.”
Obrecht: “Leave before you exit off the roof.”

Better yet: Throw him and his natty three-piece suit into the water!

Poor DAYS was too busy saying good-bye to their hottest couples to put them in bikinis and set up a water slide.

Ciara: “Ben and I are leaving Salem.”
Julie: “When?”
Ciara: “Tomorrow.”

Her good-bye scenes with Victor were sweet. Leave it to Ciara’s cranky grandpa to give her his approval only if she promised that he be the first one she visits when she returns.

Lani and Eli also exited, along with Tripp and the late Abigail. Who’s left to sizzle in Salem? Xander/Sarah and EJ/Belle show promise, and maybe we’ll see Chanel and Johnny playing leapfrog in Horton Square, but otherwise it’s slim pickings — and there are no teens there either. The days of filming a huge Kiriakis wedding on location in Greece are long gone, but perhaps nuJoey will oil up for some spanakopita on the veranda.

I can’t be the only soap viewer longing for AS THE WORLD TURNS’s Snyder Pond, David Vickers’s Speedo on ONE LIFE TO LIVE or GUIDING LIGHT’S Bauer barbecue (sniff!), so it would make sense for more soaps to tap into that nostalgia. How much could it cost to put a grill on an “outdoor” set, invest in a Super Soaker and put some hotties in a tube top? There’s more than one way to make a summer splash.

Hey. It’s only my opinion.

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