[This is where the article printed in Digest‘s August 19, 2003 issue actually begins. Later, Cosgrove is talking about how McCouch is “too talented to sit in L.A.,” which is why he helped point McCouch’ in the direction of ATWT.]
Cosgrove: You know what he does? He does this thing, he’s a masochist.
McCouch: Danny said, “You’re not gonna come back and do [a soap]. Are you thinking about it?”
Cosgrove: I said, “Do it. You know what? You’re at a different place than I am. If you want to do it, I think it would be a great move, but either way if you hang out there for a little longer I think something else will happen.” Because he’s talented. Like I said, I worked on a show with him where he carried the whole show, and we just came in every once in awhile to say, “Hey, hey, hey, how you doing?” And he’d send us off with a look. He would do an eyebrow thing and that would be it. I would do an eyebrow back and that would be it.
McCouch: You know what he said to me? This is the true heart of Danny Cosgrove. He said to me, true story, “You know you’re the lead of the show.” [To Cosgrove] You were pretty serious at the time.
Cosgrove: Yeah, I was serious. No, I was.
McCouch: “You’re the lead of the show and I’ve got to say, ‘I know I couldn’t do that right now.’ ” And I looked at him, I looked at him as if he were retarded.
Cosgrove: That’s true.
McCouch: To say, “What is your problem? You have all of this talent, you’re so good-looking, you’re all these things. Why would you say that you couldn’t captain this f—-ing ship?”
Cosgrove: What did I say right after? I said, “Rub a little lower, rub a little lower. rub a little lower.” And that’s what it was. [McCouch laughs.] Right there, he hit the magic spot and right there was this sweet magic. Sweet magic…. Things are getting crazy out here.
McCouch: He said, rub a little lower.
Cosgrove and McCouch: Rub a little lower.Cosgrove: That’s true, though. You carried that show. That was a good show.
McCouch: You know what? That was a good show.
Cosgrove: And you’re doing a great job over there as Dusty. ALL SOULS, it was short-lived —
McCouch: It was like whatever I did for UPN was doomed to fail. Not because it wasn’t good — because it was. Both LEGACY and ALL SOULS, those were great shows. UPN was just a loser network at that time, in not knowing how to nurture …
Cosgrove (as McCouch continues): I am no part of that. I love every network. There are no loser networks. Some things just don’t work out. Some things just don’t work out in life. I am not bitter. Some times things just don’t work out…
McCouch (finishing): … and [producer Tom] Fontana had the same problem with his cop show, THE BEAT.
Cosgrove (still talking over him): … I would love to work for UPN again. I think it’s a great network.
[Next, the discussion turns to which actors make believable action heroes.] McCouch: Something that is going to make [Josh] Hartnett and f—ing that guy, The Recruit, the Irish boy, Colin Farrell all look like the light chumps they are.
Cosgrove: No, I think they are fantastic people. Everybody gets an opportunity.
McCouch: You scaredy-cat! Because you’re part of the “lite Hollywood” steppin’ up in the world.
Cosgrove: Hey, no. The way it is, things happen in life
McCouch: Oh, yeah, you believe them as action heroes?Cosgrove: And you can’t —
McCouch: One answer. Do. You. Believe. Them. As. Action. Heroes? Answer the question.
Cosgrove: You want the truth? You can’t handle the truth. [Mock seriously] Um, yes, I do.
McCouch: You do? Then you belong with them…. [Distracted by a patron] Danny, check out the blonde! She’s hot, huh? I’ll tell you, there are great-looking girls in New York. Can we talk about something for a second? There are some great-looking women in New York. New York women have it over anyone. Except maybe the Norwegians. No, not even the Norwegians.
Digest: What about Montreal? You’re always going on about that.
McCouch: Well, you’re right. On just the all-around, decadent, good-time front, Montreal is king. And then New York.
Cosgrove: But you know what’s a close second? Jersey.
McCouch: A close second might be Miami, but L.A. is definitely third place.
Cosgrove: Don’t overlook Jersey.
McCouch: It’s not that the women aren’t the hottest in L.A. — they are, physically speaking. But when you break it down, they’re only good for two months, maybe three. Unless you’re a sex addict, and you could bring it to eight.
Cosgrove (to tape recorder): Now, I’m married with two children. I don’t know anything about that….
McCouch: That was a great quote! You’ve got to put that in there…. Now, Danny, can you talk a little bit about some of your greatest hits, because we know you’ve had a string of success.
Cosgrove: I would love to talk about my hits, but I have none.
McCouch: All those horror flicks you did?
Cosgrove: Yeah, big time. The best one was SATAN’S SCHOOL FOR GIRLS.
McCouch: Were the chicks hot?
Cosgrove: I can’t comment.
McCouch: Were they devilish?
Cosgrove: They were red hot.