A Visitor’s Guide to Oakdale
As Weekly‘s new AS THE WORLD TURNS editor, I have been trying to familiarize myself with the ins and outs of Oakdale and the various branches of its family trees. Between who’s married to whom and how many families Emily Stewart has slept her way through, things can get pretty confusing.
Luckily, I stumbled upon the Oakdale Visitors Bureau, and found their handy-dandy tip sheet for people moving to the lovely little town….
WELCOME TO OAKDALE!
Where we put the ‘snide’ in Snyder and our sunrises come in many shades and Hughes.
1. Newcomers are welcome to find temporary and/or permanent lodging at Oakdale’s premier hotel, The Lakeview. (Even Meg Snyder managed to live there on a nurse’s salary.) The Lakeview features a full-service bar as well as a lobby that is perfect for a lazy afternoon of people-watching.
FYI: The Lakeview is co-owned by pillars of the community Lisa Grimaldi and Lily Walsh Snyder (of course, since Meg is Lily’s sister-in-law, this could explain why she can afford to live there).
2. The Oakdale gene pool is about the size of the Snyder family’s infamous pond. If you run into some of our townsfolk, odds are they’re from the Walsh, Snyder or Hughes clans, but there is the occasional Munson.
FYI: Prominent local doctor John Dixon shares two ex-wives with police chief Hal Munson: Barbara Ryan and Carly Tenney Snyder. It’s best not to mention this, as one shared ex is bad enough.
3. Oakdale’s social scene is eclectic and fun, with nightspots like Crash, where one can meet lots of singles — but do not, under any circumstances, date any of Barbara Ryan’s children.
FYI: If you think this is an exaggeration, just visit the grave of Rose D’Angelo. Barbara’s youngest, Will, poisoned her mouthwash on the day of her wedding to Babs’ oldest, Paul Ryan.
4. If and when you’re ready to take a vacation from our fair little ‘burg, consider the island nation of Montega. Cheap package deals are available, because Worldwide CEO Lucinda Walsh’s daughter Sierra was once the island’s president.
FYI: Montega also has a fantastic accelerated medical school. Newly returned intern Lucy Montgomery zipped through it after a few semesters at Williams College.
5. Although Oakdale is a small town, it’s easy to get lost. If you need to find your way around, Oakdale police Det. Jack Snyder and his wife, Carly, have a remarkable compass you may borrow.
FYI: Jack gave the infamous compass to Carly so it would always lead her back to him — and it has led her back from four other marriages! (See above note re: John Dixon and Hal Munson.)
6. If you ever meet a man named James Stenbeck, run!
FYI: We really do mean run. Or fly. The last person to cross Stenbeck, Rosanna Cabot, ended up surrendering her baby son to keep him safe from the villain. Rosanna has been out of commission since 2005, although a woman matching her description has been spotted in Pine Valley, Pa.
7. For a refresher course on Oakdale’s long and complicated history, you may want to look up Nancy Hughes McCloskey, who has lived here for 50 years — pretty much since our town was put on the map. She’s got a lot of stories to tell.
FYI: Some crazy folks like to call her “Helen Wagner.” She is the only surviving original settler of ATWT…er, Oakdale…left in these parts.
You know, somehow this tip sheet doesn’t seem entirely official after all. Maybe I’d be better off snagging a copy of Oakdale Confidential, by Katie Peretti Kasnoff?
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