From l.: BTG’s Hayley (Marquita Goings), DAYS’s EJ and Belle (Dan Feuerriegel and Martha Madison), Y&R’s Traci (Beth Maitland) and GH’s Valentin (James Patrick Stuart)

The Best

Bold and Beautiful: Luna To Sheila: Hi, Grandma!

After succeeding in getting Luna released from prison and then pardoned, Bill ordered the murderer to leave his house. With no money or prospects, Luna tried to suck up to her mother — despite having previously framed Poppy for murder. “The souls of Tom and Hollis will haunt you forever,” spit Poppy, telling her daughter she was evil and no one on earth would ever accept her. “Maybe there’s one,” mused Luna.

Off she went to Il Giardino, the scene of her crimes. Sheila freaked out and threatened to call the police but Luna explained she had been pardoned. “Who would pardon a homicidal maniac like you?” retorted Sheila. (Pot, meet kettle!) Luna launched into how she and Sheila are more alike than Sheila realizes because it runs in their blood: Finn is her father which makes Sheila her grandmother. Sheila called Luna a pathological liar (again: pot, kettle) but Luna said Finn ran his own test and there’s no denying it. Sheila leaned in close and stared into Luna’s eyes. “You are my granddaughter!” she exulted.

And then? Psycho Sheila kissed psycho Luna smack on the lips and started laughing maniacally. And we thought Luna kissing her “father” Bill was bad…

Young and Restless: Suspicions Grow About Alan

One day Alan was proposing to Traci and the next he was mysteriously jetting off to Paris to plan their rushed wedding. Traci made excuses, mentioning that Alan was dealing with random alerts about a security breach at a clinic on his phone, and Jack was like hmmm.

“Why the sudden concern?” asked Traci. Alan had stolen her heart and Jack was just looking out for his baby sister, he said. Traci argued that she gave her heart to Alan and loves him because he has never pretended to be anything other than 100 percent himself. Viewers know Alan (or is it his psycho twin Martin?) was behind Phyllis and Sharon’s kidnapping, which means he has always been pretending. Enter Kyle with the news that Phyllis and Sharon had been found at a clinic; he later noted what a strange coincidence it was that Alan’s phone had been buzzing with clinic alerts. Yes that’s odd, mused Traci, adding she hoped they catch “the monster” responsible for the kidnapping soon.

With the engagement celebration now muted, Jack felt bad about raining on Traci’s parade. Little do the Abbotts know there’s about to be a monsoon.

General Hospital: Valentin Is Caught

For a guy wanted by the WSB, international law enforcement and the PCPD, Valentin sure got around. He broke into Sonny’s (formerly his own) house where he was met with a gun and a question: “Why did you tamper with my meds?” demanded the mobster. Val talked his way out of that one with a lie that it was Jack Brennan. Next came picking Laura’s lock; the mayor refused to let him see Charlotte and urged him to turn himself in. He refused. “I will mourn the man Valentin could have been,” Laura remarked sadly to Lulu.

Cut to the pier where Brennan, Jason and Anna all pulled guns on Valentin. Brennan wanted to kill his former WSB pal for (mistakenly) poisoning Carly, but police commissioner Anna, who thinks murder is bad form, insisted they arrest him instead. Valentin was interrogated at the police station by… *checks notes*… mob enforcer Jason, who wanted dirt on Carly’s new paramour. “For all anyone knows,” revealed Valentin, “Jack Brennan is the current head of the WSB.”

Beyond The Gates: Hayley Tells Dani Off

“That bitch broke in here!” gasped Hayley to Bill after they returned from their honeymoon and she noticed their wedding photo was scratched and an inscribed bottle of wine had been replaced. Bill vowed to make his ex wish she was never born but Hayley stopped her new husband in his tracks. “No,” asserted Hayley. “She’s mine.”

Hayley stormed right over to Dani’s house (breaking a framed magazine cover of the former model on her way in) and told her “the crazy” ends now. Hayley knows Dani is obsessed with the life Hayley and Bill are building and it makes her look like a pathetic witch. If she doesn’t stay away, Hayley will get a restraining order and throw Dani’s ass in jail. Dani denied all, but Hayley wasn’t playing: “Don’t try me again.”

Hayley returned home and told Bill she handled his ex. It was the first time we had seen her act like she was over groveling to the Duprees (for breaking up Bill’s marriage to Dani) and wanted to step into her power. She stood up for herself — for both of them — and was ready to start her new life with Bill. “Give me the life you promised from the beginning,” asserted the new bride of Fairmont Crest.

 

The Worst

DAYS: Belle “Can’t Stop” Sleeping With Her Sister’s Rapist

It’s never good when a soap glosses over a rape, even one that occurred many years ago when the offending character was played by a different actor. But DAYS’s choice to showcase the amazing scenes of Johnny confronting EJ about Sami’s rape in the same episode that Belle giggled to Brady she can’t quit having sex with EJ was an epic fail.

There was District Attorney Belle telling Brady she hoped EJ would be prosecuted for his crimes against Rafe, Jada and Ava, but it wouldn’t be by her. “I know EJ is terrible for me,” admitted Belle, still wearing her post-coital silk robe (!). “He is perilous and ruinous and I can’t stop.” That’s called an addiction, retorted her brother. Belle nodded, saying she threw EJ out and made it clear that was the last time they would be sleeping together. “I hope I can do it,” she added with a sheepish grin. Ha ha?

Across town, Johnny was punching EJ in the jaw after learning he had raped his mother and doing the math that he was the product of that rape. Johnny recalled Sami being called a “slut” and a “whore” for having twins with two different fathers, and how she never explained the circumstances of how Johnny was conceived in order to protect him. The father/son scenes were riveting and powerful, but juxtaposing them with Belle being all “I can’t help being attracted to EJ!” was a shocking disconnect. You can’t play a character’s history in some scenes and ignore it in others — especially not in the same episode.

B&B: That’s It?!

For months, Carter and Hope strategized about taking over Forrester Creations, increasing Hope’s line, expanding the brand into jewelry and fragrance, showing respect for all employees, blah blah, and they created an LLC and actually did it. Then one day Carter just… handed the company back.

“It was wrong,” he suddenly told Hope. “Now I see.” Now? Because a stranger named Daphne told him he should feel bad about the takeover? Hope asked if Carter got it in writing they would keep Hope For The Future and he responded the Forresters gave him their word. Riiiiight, scoffed Hope. Sure enough, Steffy accused Carter, Hope and Brooke of committing “treason” but said she understood why Eric and Ridge told Carter he could stay because they also have experience “falling for a Logan woman.” However, Hope was out and her clothing line about “fake morals” was suspended. Hope responded she and Carter were a team and if she goes, he goes.“Don’t side with her again,” Ridge warned Carter.

A major arc like the Forresters losing control of their company should have advanced story, but this one traveled the same old runway. Steffy’s still a bully, Hope is a perpetual victim, Carter looks weaker than ever (and once again incapable of sustaining a serious relationship) and the doom loop of “the Logans are bad!” continues.