In The Name Of Cramer

Dorian Cramer Lord’s done a lot of meddling over the years in an effort to do what she thinks is best for her “girls,” whether it’s for the good of nieces Kelly and Blair, daughters Cassie and Adriana or sisters Addie and Melinda. In light of Dorian’s recent attempt to take out Langston’s uncle, here’s a roundup of La Lord’s misdeeds — all in the name of the Cramer women. Married To The Mob, 1985: Dorian disapproved of daughter Cassie’s first love, Rob Coronal, son of reluctant mobster Alex Crown. Alex even faked his own death to protect his family from mob leader Descamedes, who he shot and killed while hiding in the rafters of the TV studio where Dorian taped her talk show. When Dorian spotted Alex, she confronted Rob and warned him that if he didn’t immediately break his engagement to Cassie, she would reveal that his father’s alive. Realizing that would mean certain death for Alex, Rob reluctantly broke things off with Cassie, who was heartbroken and refused to believe that Rob would willingly walk away from her. But their love survived, as did Alex: After he joined the Witness Protection Program, Cassie and Rob finally married.

I Love You To Death, 1986: After Cassie’s marriage to Rob ended in divorce, she began investigating suspected drug dealer and cult leader Mitch Laurence for a newspaper article. When he realized that she was pretending to fall for his charms to get information, Mitch attacked and nearly raped her. As Mitch hovered over Cassie, an unseen figure grabbed for a candlestick and delivered a (presumably) fatal blow to the head. One of Mitch’s chief disciples identified Cassie as the killer, but Dorian confessed to the deed and took the stand in her daughter’s place. Dorian was convicted and sent to Death Row, then was later exonerated when an audiotape recording from the scene of the crime surfaced that provided no proof against Dorian.

Gentleman Prefer Blondes, 1995: After Dorian caught virginal niece Kelly in bed with David Vickers, Dorian offered him three-fourths of her fortune — and a divorce to end their sham marriage. He greedily accepted, but Dorian teamed up with niece Blair to con David into making it look like he committed adultery against her. Dressed in identical pink gowns and blonde wigs, Dorian pretended to seduce David as “Madame Helmore,” then photographed Blair with the blindfolded horndog. When the photos were published in The Sun, Dorian was able to secure a divorce without having to pay him a penny and the Cramer women were free of David … for the time being.

The Sins Of The Mother, 1998: When Dorian began tampering with her sister’s medication so that Melinda wouldn’t reveal some dark family secrets to Blair and Cassie, they became determined to unearth whatever Dorian did not want them to know. Cassie traveled with Dorian’s husband, Mel, to Canton, OH, to confront the old Cramer nanny, Mrs. Stonecliffe, at the family farmhouse. Stonecliffe was evasive of their questions and clearly hiding something. After having disturbing dreams about lying next to a dead body, Dorian decided to confront Stonecliffe herself and discovered that the woman was hiding her abusive and insane mother, Sonya, in the house. Although Dorian and her sisters had been led to believe that their parents died in a plane crash, Sonya killed their father (the man Dorian saw in her dreams). Dorian remembered seeing it happen as she watched crazy Sonya attack Cassie, and jumped to her daughter’s defense, dropping a bust of Brahms on Sonya’s head and killing her own mother. Mrs. Stonecliffe locked herself in the room with Sonya and lit the house on fire.

It Runs In The Family, 1999: When Cassie suffered a mental breakdown, Dorian did everything in her power to keep Kevin from his wife and blamed him for the problems that led to her mental state. She even had their marriage annulled and made secret plans to take Cassie to an institution in Switzerland. But when Kevin discovered Dorian’s plan and hopped on the plane with Cassie, she agreed that they needed to end things in a moment of lucidity. Dorian’s meddling, meanwhile, cost her her relationship with Mel, who perished in a plane crash before they she could make amends.

Bad Boys, 2003: When Blair was planning to marry Walker Laurence, Mitch’s long-lost brother, Dorian got him to sign legal papers stating that she would get custody of Starr and Jack if anything should happen to Blair. After realizing that Walker was really Todd, Dorian tried to break up their honeymoon and ended up in a plane crash with Viki, who was trying to stop her from ratting out Todd. Blair eventually learned that Walker was Todd with a whole new face, and Dorian continued to urge her niece to stay away from her no-good ex.

Don’t Say A Word, 2004: When Kelly tried to pass off Pine Valley baby Ace as the one she’d actually lost, Dorian noticed that Kelly was slowly losing it and had become addicted to tranquilizers. After Kelly lost custody of Ace to husband Kevin, Dorian teamed up with fellow Kevin hater Todd, to blackmail Kevin into giving Kelly some time with Ace. When Dorian learned that Ace wasn’t actually Kelly and Kevin’s baby, she pulled a gun on Paul Cramer (Kelly’s estranged brother who’d secured the tot for her) and warned him to keep his mouth shut. When Paul’s corpse later turned up, Dorian was arrested on suspicion, but a surveillance tape later exonerated her.

Rex Hex, 2006: Following her own rule that no man is ever good enough for a Cramer, Dorian greatly disapproved of Rex Balsom, a former con artist who was wooing Adriana (the daughter Dorian kept secret for many years for her own protection from crime-lord father Manuel Santi). She created a highly elaborate scheme in which a man dubbed the “Butterfly Stalker” threatened Adriana to the point that Rex took her away to a secret beach location. By breaking into Rex’s e-mail account, Dorian made it look like Rex was the stalker, and Adriana discovered the threatening e-mails during the vacation. After knocking Rex out with a lamp and running away, she ended up in the hands of the real stalker, who revealed that he was hired by her own mother. Meanwhile, Rex and Dorian reluctantly teamed up to save Adriana, but the scheme put a severe strain on her and Dorian’s relationship.

Like Mother, Like Daughter, 2008: When Adriana realized that her mom was behind a Parisian company’s interest in Adriana’s designs (a ploy to get Adriana to spend more time in Paris and less time with Rex), Adriana gave Dorian a chance to make it up to her by making certain her wedding to Rex happened. Perceiving Rex’s old flame Gigi as a threat, they managed to locate her presumed-dead ex, Brody, and Dorian paid him to come to Llanview and reunite with Gigi. That plan only worked for so long — Rex realized he and Adriana just didn’t work as a couple and that he and Gigi were meant to be.

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