If Weekly's Mala Bhattacharjee and Joe Diliberto watch the same soap episode at the same time, they quickly start trading places atop the soapbox, leading to a case of She Said, He Said. Here's their take on the Jan. 2 episode of AS THE WORLD TURNS.

Mala: Hey, Craig's baby nightmare is what's on our cover for the Jan. 8 issue.
Joe: It's like we knew what was going to happen. And Paul is literally robbing the cradle!
Mala: Foreshadowing for when Paul starts dating Faith. He's working his way through the women in Oakdale, ya know.
Joe: Wait — Sofie had a girl, right? I can see who's taking Hallie to the prom! And speaking of prom, it looks like it's tie day.
Mala: Is that what happens at christenings? See, we Hindus don't have those.
Joe: Yes, grown-ups wear ties and babies wear gowns — even boy babies!
Mala: That explains a LOT about American culture.
Joe: Yep, Christian boys remember wearing that dress — I mean christening gown. Look, Craig is going all "Lady Macbeth." He can't get the blood out — or in his case, the miscarriage drug!
Mala: It's a good thing he's not Vincent on PASSIONS. He'd miscarry!
Joe: Nice of him to let Meg paw at the wound. Doesn't he know blood can transfer stuff?
Mala: He probably watches GENERAL HOSPITAL. Everybody being elbow deep in Robin's wounds all the time has given him the wrong idea.
Joe: Aaron and Ali look all grown-up in their adult duds. They look like 30-somethings. Though, apparently, Ali thinks Aaron's type is more Disney than porn star.
Mala: Speaking of Disney, why are Sofie and Chris having a scene?
Joe: The "new baby smell" is perfect? Did Sofie have a kid or buy a car?
Mala: Chris should know the difference, considering he's practically an infant himself.
Joe: I'm glad Craig is stunned that Chris is chief of staff. Isn't Craig on the board?
Mala: On the board, above board...who knows with Craig? Aw, Chris. He pronounced "exacerbated" right but put a weird stress on "miscarriages." I just want to pat his little head.
Joe: Chris is so desperate to prove he's growed-up and graduated from college and medical school that he hit Craig with his thesaurus!
Mala: Seriously. I can't WAIT till Doogie Howser and Wanda finally get together.
Joe: Look, a scene in a church that's NOT a funeral. Are we sure we're watching daytime?
Mala: I'm waiting for all those sinners to get struck by lightning — and Ali and Aaron get to be godparents by default since Maddie and Casey aren't there!
Joe: Craig and Babs suffering crises of conscience during the baptism isn't quite the same thing as the climax of The Godfather!
Mala: Not so much, no. Though Craig throwing glass is reminiscent of Port Charles' godfather. Are we SURE he doesn't watch GH?
Joe: We'll know if he picks up his cell and asks somebody to hijack a "shipment."
Mala: Sofie alert! I still contend that cartoon birds do her hair.
Joe: It's impossible to hate somebody so lovely. She's no wicked stepsister.
Mala: Meanwhile, Meg plays catch up with Random Nurse. No good can come of this.
Joe: Uh-oh, girl talk. Jan wants to see "more" of "sexy" Craig. Would you gossip about your husband like that?
Mala: If I had one? Sure! Though I'd rather see more of Noah and Luke.
Joe: Is that the doll that plays Hallie?
Mala: Hallie is a real baby! Jennifer Landon (Gwen) told me she weighed 7 pounds or so the first time they held her. Roughly Chris Hughes-sized
. Joe: So...is that the doll that plays Chris when young Dylan Bruce hits the child-labor limits?
Mala: Yes! Can't you recognize the bare limbs from Emily's bedchamber?
Joe: Every time Sofie tells a lie about how she feels, one of those cartoon birds that does her hair dies!
Mala: If we clap, will they come back to life?
Joe: Awwww, Sofie's sad. As a Disney-esque heroine, she should know the birth mother is ALWAYS absent.
Mala: Watch, she'll get shot like Bambi's mother during February sweeps. Did Sofie's cartoon birds visit Craig? He usually slicks his hair back. Now that he's drunk, it's floppy and rather fetching.
Joe: GASP! Sofie getting shot would be too traumatizing. Speaking of trauma, Craig doesn't have it so good. Maybe he should hang on to that doll. Whoops, too late!
Mala: The plastic baby is only slightly less freaky than Cowboy Jack.
Joe: Apparently, Craig is envious of Sam and his dummy. "Did you take your medication?" I think he's been self-medicating all right, Meg!
Mala: Put down the doll, Craig, and back away.
Joe: Isn't that baby due back in whatever department the nurse stole it from?
Mala: Yeah, it's time for Chris to get back to the hospital and get some work done!