From Lauren Flynn
There's something for everyone this holiday season on soaps. Whether you're feeling naughty or nice, cheerful or downright grumpy, the soaps are here to guide you through this hectic time of year. Feeling optimistic? Tune into GUIDING LIGHT and hear chipper Marina chirping about Christmas carols and roasted chestnuts. Wanna buy a last-minute tree? Head down to Springfield's Main Street, but watch out for Dinah, self-proclaimed "Queen of the Tree Lot" — she bites. And while you're in town, be sure to catch the local church Christmas pageant and get seats toward the back of the church — the show includes a big stunt that endangers the first row. If you're looking to indulge in some deep-seated, incestuous desire, visit ONE LIFE TO LIVE's Llanview, where Natalie and Sarah nearly lost their Christmas cookies when they found out Jared was their uncle — or is that great uncle, or half brother? Hard to say. Feeling suffocated by all the overly showy store displays and nonstop pop songs? Bury yourself in a hole with Greenlee and Zach, but bring some anti-venom (for the snake, not Greenlee). And if you're really not feeling the holiday cheer, GENERAL HOSPITAL's Port Charles is having the most depressing season of all. With all the murders and funerals going on, you'll find nary a trace of good tidings. Season's Greetings!

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