OPINION

Susan Lucci (Erica, AMC)

— ABC

February 28, 2008

From Joe Diliberto
ALL MY CHILDREN's Erica's company got screwed up because she's never around, but then again, which soap CEOs are? Soap townsfolk always have glamorous jobs — but they almost never bother to show up, so what's the point? The only characters who regularly put in appearances at the office are cops (but that's only because they have to investigate all the other characters — who probably would not be suspects if they didn't have entirely too much time on their hands from not going to work). And the police are always really bad at their jobs — name the last cop who arrested a real serial killer the first time. You can't, can you? Soap detectives are well-intentioned lunkheads who only believe the last lie they were told. And viewers are expected to believe super-powerful tycoons do something. THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS' Victor would obviously make an intimidating boss, but what does he do? What does Newman Enterprises make, sell or market? All soap "businesses" are too darn nebulous. What is the difference between AMC's Cambias and AS THE WORLD TURNS' WorldWide? Another problem is the way these companies hire completely unqualified people for dream jobs. If you are a young adult female who can hold a pencil, you will inevitably land a job as a fashion designer (with a line due next season!). Are you qualified? Well, you wear clothes (most of the time), so you must be. But what about people like, say, GUIDING LIGHT's Dinah, who was handed the head PR job for a multinational corporation and parlayed that into the chairmanship? Apparently the board of directors of all soap companies are sheep who rubber-stamp the CEO's wishes. But since nobody knows what line of business Spaulding Enterprises is in, who am I to suggest Dinah was unqualified? And it's not only the legit businesses that suffer from fuzzy accountability: Does anyone know how GENERAL HOSPITAL's Sonny makes his coin? Has anyone ever actually seen what's in one of his "shipments"? For all we know he really is importing coffee. Not that any of the other Five Families would know the difference. Maybe Claudia knows her way around spread sheets as well as bedsheets.

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OPINION

February 28, 2008

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