Ever wonder what your favorite AS THE WORLD TURNS' residents might be looking to buy — or looking to get rid of — on a classifieds Web site like Craigslist? Take a peek inside the listings that we think might pop up on the completely fictitious oakdale.craigslist.org.

personals
oakdale craigslist > women seeking men
Daughter-in-law seeking distinguished male companion for meddling MIL. She's a savvy businesswoman, well-read and funny, but she just won't leave my husband, our surrogate and me alone. Will pay up-front and even sing for free at birthday parties or weddings if you take her off our hands. Call 555-GWEN if you're interested.

Sexy, wild, single babe seeks sugar daddy to make all dreams come true. Please, no kids. I have enough ungrateful brats. E-mail wild.iris@oakdalefreenet.com if you make over six figures and like a good cocktail.

oakdale craigslist > men seeking men
2 GWMs, 18 yrs old, seek GM pair for double date and coming out stories. Closet cases need not apply.

oakdale craigslist > missed connections
Saw u in Old Town by bookstore. You, hot brunette babe looking sad. Me, wise for my age teen looking to make someone happy. I like hockey and older women. How about u?

housing
oakdale craigslist > rooms & shares
Infinite number of rooms avail. @ lovely refurbished farm house several miles out of town. Tenants must not mind smell of horses, children underfoot and landlady's occasionally shirtless nephew.

oakdale craigslist > housing swap
My suite at the Lakeview (southern exposure!) for your mansion? Call 555-MEME and leave inquiries for Craig with receptionist if interested.

oakdale craigslist > housing wanted
Widow in her prime seeks fully furnished bachelorette pad devoid of domesticated animals, small children, and people in general. Shirtless gardener a plus.

oakdale craigslist > vacation rentals
$560 a month for quaint getaway cottage, fully furnished with unfinished deck. Low-hanging ceilings, fireplace, and couch perfect for making love to that special someone... or that ex special someone. Contact k.peretti@oakdalefreenet.com for more info.

for sale
oakdale craigslist > collectibles
One compass, gently used. Only points to "True North." Will negotiate price. E-mail jsnyder@oakdale.gov. Serious inquiries only. (AND NO, CARLY, YOU CAN'T HAVE IT BACK.)

oakdale craigslist > furniture
$200 for mattress, box spring and bed frame. Gently used and lightly spritzed with bad karma. Contact m.coleman@oakdale.edu with questions. Must have own method of transporting goods, as family luxury car not appropriate for such use.

oakdale craigslist > barter
Will trade authentic Swedish pepperkakor recipe for a decent martini. Seriously. E-mail ilovebubbles@oakdalefreenet.com with offers.

oakdale craigslist > tickets
2 third row tickets for Scissor Sisters in Chicago. Will sell at face value. Can no longer attend due to unforeseen fishing accident. Contact grimsnydeluke@oakdalefreenet.com to make a deal.

jobs
oakdale craigslist > food/beverage/hosp. jobs
Seeking employment as waitress. Cannot provide references and may cry profusely after hiring. Call 555-SOFI with offers. P.S. if you are Cole, please ignore this ad.