The Tao Of Mitch

We’re not saying everything that comes out of Mitch is wise — or sane for that matter — but the OLTL villain has given us some good sound bites since his return last November. In the style of our previous feature, The Tao Of David, Digest presents a handy guide to Mitch speak. 1. Mitch: “It’s so easy to get around when everyone thinks you’re dead.”

Translation: I’ve been doing it since 1986, give or take a few years.

2. Mitch: “I’m free as the proverbial bird. We won’t need letters anymore, kitten. Daddy’s home.”

Translation: Like Nelly Furtado sang, “I’m like a bird, I’ll only fly aw-a-ay….”

3. Mitch: “Well, we all die, John. Some more than once … some sooner than others.”

Translation: Your days are numbered, McBain!

4. Mitch: “I never cared much for the whole nature-versus-nurture debate. To me, good or bad, a child grows up to be just like his parents.”

Translation: Once a bad seed, always a bad seed.

5. Mitch: “Daughters need their fathers in times like this.”

Translation: Daddy will make all your troubles go away with electroshock therapy.

6. Mitch: “God is always watching.”

Translation: I have spies in every corner of Llanview.

7. Mitch: “A woman, when she is in labor, has sorrow because her hour has come.”

Translation: No pregnant woman is safe if they are carrying a child suspected to be related to me.

8. Mitch: “He who believeth in me shall never die.”

Translation: Those who don’t believe in me, well, that’s another story.

9. Mitch: “God is always watching, and he will act if someone crosses me.”

Translation: Maybe I drugged Melinda’s tea before her untimely passing. Maybe I didn’t. Only God knows!

10. Mitch: “I’m not through with you, Llanview.”

Translation: Llanview, what it do!

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