10 Lessons of Llanview's Tornado

10. If you’re like Natalie, holding your peace is easier than holding on to your boyfriend’s photo collection and staying in your pew.
(Natalie couldn’t quite stay seated for Michael and Marcie’s nuptials. Maybe she was remembering the time she married her twin sister’s father, Mitch Laurence?)


9. According to the rules of Roxy, drink enough and you won’t care if it’s raining cats, dogs or wild boars.
(Just be wary of drinking with Ms. Balsom, because Max Holden ended up married to her after a night of boozing.)


8. Hop on a plane to Bangkok a few days before the storm arrives. You may end up in jail like David, but the weather is temperate and you’ll learn to speak Thai really quickly.
(David still gets hives when you mention his tenure in a Moroccan prison.)


7. Bringing your same-sex spouse to a shindig can whip up winds of political controversy less powerful than a tornado.
(Marcie’s brother Eric and his husband, James, are daytime’s first married gay couple.)
6. Sometimes, justice really is blind — especially if you’re one of Todd’s lawyers!
(Evangeline followed in gal pal Nora’s footsteps, but she better watch out: Todd stalked Nora and tried to kill her after she went blind 13 years ago.)


5. There’s always time for a musical montage — even if means singing at your own wedding reception, like Marcie did.
(Kathy Brier headlined as Tracy in the Broadway production of HAIRSPRAY in 2003.)


4. Cinder-block walls and bars may inspire prison breaks, but they are the best barriers between you and a trip to Oz — not to be confused with HBO’s OZ.
(Todd’s first stint in jail was in 1993, after he and his frat brothers, Powell and Zach, raped Marty Sayebrooke.)


3. Rex, checking the circuit-breakers is bad even if you’re not in a horror movie — especially if it means leaving your girlfriend alone with a stalker.
(John-Paul Lavoisier co-starred with Jason Shane Scott (ex-Will) and AMC’s Jeff Branson (Jonathan) in the 2002 horror flick WOLVES OF WALL STREET.)


2. The middle of a thunderstorm is the perfect time to bring your newborn home, thus risking death for you, your boyfriends and your alternate personality.
(One might think Baby Girl Buchanan would be locked safely in a plastic bubble for a few years since Jessica’s first daughter, Megan, was stillborn.)


1. Never commiserate (or have hot, angsty sex) with your father’s girlfriend in a rectory with a weak roof and huge windows.
(R.I.P., Duke. It’s a lucky thing your portrayer, Matthew Metzger, was on AMERICAN IDOL and not SURVIVOR.)

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