May 23, 2008By Joe Diliberto Posted: May 23, 2008
Okay, I'll admit that the main reason I tuned in to the season finale of UGLY BETTY was to scope out celebrity train wreck Lindsay Lohan (ex-Alli, ANOTHER WORLD), and my curiosity was rewarded almost immediately. There's LiLo right at the top of the show, playing Kimberly, a high school classmate of Betty's, in a flashback to 1999 (wait — what is this, LOST?). Betty is recalling what happened to her in gym class during one of those infamous dodgeball games that seems to have irrevocably scarred every writer in Hollywood. Gee, I wonder if Lindsay is playing a mean girl? Kimberly selected Betty for her team — to serve as a human shield. So, yes, she's playing a mean girl. Hmmm, that was a short segment. Surely there will be more of her….
The rest of the episode proves to be extremely soapy, but also extremely cliché-ridden. Betty's would-be boyfriend Gio (they are in an "exploratory phase") wants to take her to Rome for their first date. Keep in mind that Gio (Freddy Rodriguez, ex-Federico, SIX FEET UNDER) runs the sandwich cart, not the magazine. Hey, thanks a lot, Gio — way to set the first-date bar at a new level. Then former beau Henry (Christopher Gorham, ex-Trevor, FELICITY) shows up, ring in hand, and asks Betty to marry him. Holy cliché alert, Batman! But that was nothing. Daniel (Eric Mabius, ex-Dean Hess, THE O.C. ) gets a sudden son — the product of a liaison with a French model (thus the kid speaks only French). Holy cliché alert, Batman! Meanwhile, Hilda (Ana Ortiz is stringing along her boyfriend, gym teacher Tony, who is portrayed by soap utility player Eddie Cibrian (ex-Cole, SUNSET BEACH; ex-Russell, INVASION; Sebastian, DIRTY SEXY MONEY; ex-Matt, THE YOUNG AND THE RESTLESS; ex-Jimmy, THIRD WATCH; ex... oh, you get the idea). Sure, it's funny that he brought her Tater Tots and green Jell-O from school, but it's not so fun that he's got a secret. No fair guessing! Oh, you guessed anyway. Yes, he's "not exactly single." In point of fact, he's kind of a little bit married. Holy triple cliché alert, Batman!
Of course Betty's would-be suitors meet up at Mode's company softball game. And there's a clichéd dream sequence in which Betty imagines the different courses her life might take with each of her suitors. And, no surprise at all, the show did not resolve whether Betty goes to Rome with Gio or stays home with Henry. Holy cliff-hanging cliché, Batman! Also, we never saw Lohan again. Well, technically, this appearance was just supposed to set up Kimberly's return for five episodes in the fall. Presumably Kimberly will be brought into the present, but who knows — LOST gets plenty of mileage out of revisiting the past.
I set about watching the two-hour season finale of GREY'S ANATOMY next, but because I usually spend ny Thursday evenings watching SUPERNATURAL, I was coming in to this pretty cold (not that it's the show's fault). Let's see: Meredith's mommy issues were still...issues; Derek was involved with someone called Rose (no doubt contributing to Meredith's blues); Cristina seemed depressed about something (could it still be her wedding misfire?) that was solved by giving her a pager with sparkles on it; George was monitoring patient urine output; something was up with Alex and Izzie; and Callie and that mean heart doctor, Erica, were dancing around each other (not literally, of course), meaning something was up there. Of course there were the requisite medical oddities — this one guy appeared to be encased in cement. And this was really odd: There was a car commercial during one of the breaks that also featured a man trapped in a block of cement. The commercial played it for laughs, but on GREY'S, it was life-threatening.
Anyway, some people lived, some people died, Meredith had a big epiphany, and everybody ended up kissing, including Derek and Meredith, Callie and Erica (so that's what that was about), George and Lexie, Richard and Adele, and Alex and Izzie. The weepy Alex begged (I mean begged) for more, but I guess that will have to wait until next season.
But you'll only have to wait until next week for a new installment of Night Shift...