January 7, 2010By Mala Bhattacharjee Posted: Jan 7, 2010
You know, after well over a decade, this whole SOPRANOS Lite version of GH has gotten a little tired and played out. But fear not, there is still plenty of classic television out there to inspire stories for Sonny and Jason! Check out a few of my suggestions.
1. When the coffee business tanks in the wake of the economic crisis, Sonny is forced to sell his mansion and find work as a chef. He has to move in with Maxie and Lulu, but because their landlord won't let a swinging bachelor move in with two pretty girls, he must pretend to be gay.
2. Sonny, Jason, Jax, Carly, Spinelli, Maxie and Lulu all take a boat trip down to Sonny's island. En route, they get shipwrecked on another island entirely. Despite the Jackal's genius IQ, he can't manage to patch the hole in their hull and they're marooned there for years.
3. Finding that their mysterious "shipments" aren't bringing in enough money, Sonny and Jason decide to start running moonshine all over the New York countryside. Incensed, Mac tries to nab them. Due to budget cuts, he's not allowed to have a basset hound, so Lucky just accompanies him on the car chases and makes the appropriate sad puppy eyes.
4. Jason, Jax and Carly decide to retire to a house in Florida. Sonny ends up joining them when somebody burns down Shady Pines er, Greystone. Much comedy and smuttiness ensues, with Sonny occasionally regaling the gang with stories that start, "Picture it, Bensonhurst, 1972..."
5. A strange man tells Carly it is her destiny to fight the vampires. Sonny loses an eye, Jason loses his soul, Jax runs off with an elite commando unit, Olivia becomes a lesbian and Carly saves the world. A lot. (But I think they already tried this and called it "PORT CHARLES.")
6. Determined to go straight as an inspiration to his kids, Sonny — along with Jason, Spinelli and Max — disappears into the Los Angeles underground. Still hunted by the cops, they survive as soldiers of fortune traveling around in a big van (mostly because Max hates to fly). Spinelli dubs them The C-Team and Sonny takes up cigar smoking.
7. The gang goes to one of those magical soap medical schools and comes out five minutes later as ambitious interns. They all get internships at GH — complete with outrageous surgeries, sordid affairs and "seriously"s. Wait, what am I talking about? Why would they want a story in a hospital? Forget this one.